I'm a regular around here and a no-longer practicing zoophile. My hubby who knows about my persuasion asked me this question the other day as we were talking about family plans, and I realized it was a very complicated subject for me.
How would you address bestiality/zoophilia with your son or daughter if you yourself are or were a zoophile? What would you tell them if they ask if people and animals can make love, etc.?
What kind of "talk" would you have if you caught them in the act with the family pet? Would it make a difference in how you approach them if it were a son or a daughter? Male/female pet?
How will you police your children's interaction with animals? That is to say, most children learn from an early age "don't touch the dog there, it's wrong" or "don't let him lick you, their mouths are dirty, etc." So would you keep these kinds of psychological barriers in place for your kids so they have a "normal" life, or would your attitude be more liberal and "let nature take its course."
I want to hear some other thoughts on addressing zoophilia with children before I talk about my own feelings on it.
Wow, this is a tough question.
Because morally, I fully believe in it. There's a societal taboo about it, which does make it attractive. However, I don't think it is abuse or nonconsensual or anything of the sort.
However, with children? I'm nowhere near having kids. But I can't imagine how I would feel about those subjects. Seeing little girls play with my son's heart would probably make me lose my mind. But... at the same time, that's not he same thing as being with an animal.
So... I guess it comes down to where upon the scale it lies? From masturbation to having sex with someone, I mean.
With sex with another human, I don't think I'd necessarily want my kids to be active. However, if they're at an age where they can be responsible, I could begrudgingly accept that and make sure I talk with them to make sure they seem to be approaching it in a healthy way. (Not because they want someone to love them or because they think they have to.)
But for the pets... See, my thing wouldn't be revulsion. I got caught once by my dad and that talk was horrible. I think, despite the fact that it's another sentient being, I would treat it more like catching them masturbating and just not interfere.
I might have a talk to try to reconcile their view of it with a world that instinctively rejects it, but I'm not sure. I just imagine embarrassing them further and, if they're at an age to masturbate, I'd imagine they're smart enough to know that people would frown upon that sort of thing. So perhaps I wouldn't interfere at all.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who might have a hard time answering this question!
I worry that by ignoring it they may develop bad habits: indiscretion, lack of respect for the living animal (especially a concern if a boy with female animal) or that they might develop a misguided or undeveloped sense of sexuality with other humans as they get older. There's a lot to worry about, but on the other hand I turned out okay-ish. But I still faced a lot of issues about my self-worth because I was acting out on my urges and thought that I was "dirty" or "bad" because of it, and I wouldn't want my kids to ever feel that level of shame and have to hide it inside for their whole lives.
But.... and again with the buts... I also don't want to give them a "free pass" to act out on any sexual impulse as they grow, especially with another living thing, and like I said, even if they have zoophilic tendencies I don't want them to foster those urges and not give human relationships a chance. I also don't think I'd ever tell my kids about my own past unless the situation demanded it.
I hope that by just fostering a home environment where we can all talk about things like sexuality and be a safe place for them to be open about what they're going through, that it will mitigate most possible negative situations.
I also worry that I'll in some way "pass it on" that it might be genetic or that I might subconsciously make them into zoophiles just because I feel there's nothing wrong with it. Crazy I know, but like I said, I do have some issues.
I'm so conflicted. After a long talk I just told my husband: "If it ever happens you deal with it!" and buried my face under a pillow.
I can understand that. It's just...
See, having a healthy environment to talk about sexuality is important, I just don't know what that's like, you know? My parents always seemed willing, yet I, as a teenager, was too weirded out by even having them know I masturbated.
And I don't think that's atypical. I mean teenagers are awkward, horny, bumbling people and sex, thanks to society, is a really rough subject even without the added stress.
So, as much as I appreciate and applaud the idea of fostering a home environment as a safe, judgment free place I just don't understand how it can necessarily... work?
Maybe it's just me and maybe I am abnormal in terms of my familial relationships and my own social awkwardness.
At any rate, I don't think it's in any way genetic. I mean, it's not like you're corrupting your kid or giving them a sickness. I come from a place (in my life, not geographically) where I never really faced persecution or alienation. Maybe it's because I'm a fundamentally careful person, but I did tell a few people about being zoo and I never got outed or mocked.
Personal self-worth is another issue... But that sort of comes back to the whole idea of me being unable to discuss anything sexual with my parents. If my dad caught me and instead tried to have a talk with me about how it doesn't make me a bad person... yeah, I'd maybe feel a little better, but most likely I'd be too mortified that we're discussing it to even hear him out.
As for the respect of another living creature... I think that's an important discussion to have regardless. I mean, I don't think that's a discussion to have cut off from everything, but rather a sort of way to raise them? If that makes sense?
And as for not having human relations... I can't really say much about that. The thought never crossed my mind in any of my dealings, so I can't contribute much to this discussion.
I know what you mean, my parents were completely irrational, narcisistic, alcoholic religious nuts. How's that for a combo. I never got any kind of talk about sex, relationships, my body or anything like that, other than "If bad things happen to you, it's because God is punishing you for having bad thoughts."
If I didn't have access to books I would have probably been totally broken, but I like to imagine that I could do a good job as a parent. In fact I have to believe it as our plans become more serious.
Something about the reality of it approaching makes me realize how many things I probably have no idea how to handle, and if my kids were zoophiles, who do you think I would credit that too? So just the thought kind of freaks me out.
My hubby says his family was pretty relaxed about sexuality and they sometimes had talks that weren't too horribly, painfully awkward as he got old enough to talk about it intellectually if there was something that needed talking about. He also says that you always have to answer every question with as much honesty as a child can understand from the very beginning.
I trust that some parents out there have to have pulled it off, and even if I don't do the best job, I can do a better job than mine. I hope.
I had the hilarious thought that my best solution would be to keep any animals large enough to have sex with away from my kids. And then realized that may be the oddest thought that anyone has ever had.
I like your point about respect to living creatures should be a top value, sexual or not, and maybe I'm over thinking it, but it does make me curious if anyone else has given it a lot of thought or had to deal with this situation in a non-Kolby kind of way.
[deleted]
Oh lord.
You made me spit soda all over my monitor. :/
You're kind of the best.
Like any other deviant behavior (such as nudism or smoking marijuana) I would explain that it's not harmful or wrong, but that society doesn't approve, so they should keep it very private.
I think a lot of parents cop out on issues like this. Instead of saying "I approve, but society doesn't" they just lie and tell the kids that they think it's wrong too. This makes the kids feel like shit, leads to repression, and then 30 years later they find out that mom smoked pot or fucked the family dog anyway. I was a smart kid and sexually aware at a very early age, thanks in some part to the internet. I knew exactly what kinks my parents were into when I was 12 years old. But my family never talked about sex at all, so I grew up with all kinds of weird issues.
This is really good approach I think. Honesty and mature advice.
I think my kids would grow up knowing more than me sexually with the internet, even if carefully guarded you can't keep knowledge suppressed from curious minds!
I have never been active, but have always been curious about zoophilia and enjoy watching others in the act. And as awkward as a conversation with a (future) child of mine would be, I wouldn't discourage their interest. Not in any sick sense of "I didn't get to, so I want you too," but because I want them to understand that a person's sexuality isn't wrong because it's different. As long as those involved are being respected and treated right. But that would be hard to convey in this case, seeing as animals can't talk for themselves. It would really come down to making a home where one doesn't feel like everything they do is wrong or feeling judged, and setting expectations for how one should behave in both the home and society since they're so different. I think letting your children know your past experience with zoophilia might help them understand that you aren't judging them, that you understand their desires and feeling. Of course, presenting it at the right time is key with that, such as after knowing they're active, and making sure there are no distractions during the talk is important. Voice your concerns, and make sure they understand it's because you're their parent and care for them, and not because they're in trouble.
Just the same as any other sexual behaviour.. Tell them it should be done in private.