So my long-distance girlfriend has recently reveled to me that she is a zoophile. She currently has a large dog which she gets knotted by every night, and on-top of that a few other strays she takes in. Often more than twice a day. She says they 'force' her down and mount her, and she goes along with it.
And through all of this, it's hard to feel good or anything like that. It's almost like I am jealous, or upset or angry with her... am I jealous of the dog(s)? All of this just feels weird to me, and I have no idea how to react really - but I don't think I really enjoy the fact that she is doing this. But at the same time it's just sex, and nothing romantic as far as I know. So I have been supportive of her, it's just sex - right?
Basically, I am asking for advice on what I should do, and if feeling upset about it is normal? Am I maybe jealous because of the impossibility of me being near her, while she is freely fucking dogs around her?
How would she feel about you getting your own dogs? If you hardly (if ever) get to see her in person, at least you could both share your wonderful experiences with dogs :)
I don't know, I think she'd be okay with it. Which is mostly why I haven't actually said anything about it.
That's not really a possibility though, as can't own pets in my apartment - and she doesn't really share any of her experiences... :/
Errmm - I think this is much more a classic relationship problem dressed in a slightly different way. And not specifically a zoophilia issue.
Are you a zoophile? If not, you could essentially repost on /r/sex with the story containing her swinging "just for the sex" with random guys and a housefriend, or her "roommate", over there in the distance. And then see what the advice is.
If you like women being screwed by dogs, or are a dog-zoo yourself: jackpot. Just see that you get to see more of the action. Talk to her about that.
If you are not: Would you be ok with her screwing lots of one-night-stands? It's just sex, but if you want a 'serious' relationship, I think what she is doing is cherrypicking you for things and attention and other she wants from you, AND getting her fun with the dogs. If you are not ok with that, then it is not a good relationship.
Also it depends how exactly 'zoophile' she is. If she is the kind that sees her dog as a full partner, then you are being cuckold right now anyway. Hard (actually, it almost sounds like a troll post what you write). She is perhaps having a "full" relationship with the dog there already - and you fill in on the few occasions she needs a dance partner for wedding invitations etc.
My advice is to first figure out what you yourself are and want. Hetero, normal and a 'serious' relationship? Lots of things to pick from.
Then see if this relationship is giving you what you want from relationships with perhaps some reasonable compromises of course. Take into account what it means when she is a 'total, deep' zoophile and lives with a dog. I always say the equivalent is: picture a normal couple, substitute one with a horse or a dog, that's how that is. If she is just getting sex with no emotional attachment and you are ok with that - fine. Just talk about that and see that you are on the same page re what you both want from the relationship and what you give for it. I think having a calm "just on the same page or not" conversation is a good idea, announce it a bit before so she can also figure her stance out.
And don't attack her for the dog thing in itself. That can only go bad as there is no reasonable condemnation beyond 'it's icky' of it.
Still suspect I might have been trolled, but there you go.
Thanks for the advice, I am not trolling you...
I guess what you say makes sense, however it is just purely pleasure/sex for her - not a relationship with her dog. So more-like a fetish she indulges in than a full-zoophile.
I obviously want a serious relationship with her, but from past relationships I guess I am too scared of being either too clingy or too controlling.
From that rate of sex I am not sure (perhaps she is deluding herself, too), that as a non-zoo, or a non-super-interested in bestiality person, you are going to be happy with her in the long run. What is going to happen when you move together? Do you want children? Does she want children or puppies? She'll stop that amount of going at it? You partake to get a chunk of her?
Really just sit calmly down and figure out together what both of you want, give for it, and where this is going in the future. Have one (!) drink together, sit in the sun, smoke some weed, give her a chance to also figure it out for her by announcing you'd like to just figure it out together, no attack. And know what you want at that time.
IF she is more or less using the dogs as a living dildo, and you are ok with your GF dildoing herself that much, then meh. But then please have an eye on the dogs being treated well, k? I am against treating animals as commodities myself.
of course, perhaps you find you like it if she lets you watch... as said, don't attack that dog thing in itself, that is not going to go well.
Thanks for that advice, I'm gonna have to find a good time to talk to her about this!
Okay, so you knew she was a zoophile before you hooked up?
She tells you she's being "forced" down and just goes along with it regularly, but also brings in strays for the purpose?
I think the advice horse42 gives isn't bad. Figure out what you want, then talk to her about how you feel about what is happening. It sounds like she is also in a bit of an odd place, perhaps not fulling understanding herself, her relationship to dogs, or to you? It does sound like someone is being trolled, are you sure your LD girlfriend is legit?
If everything is as you say, it is pretty normal to feel upset when your partner doesn't share themselves completely with you. I'm not talking about monogamy, but emotional attachment. I sense the question you want o ask is, can you trust her? I don't think the dogs have anything to do with that really, having read similar things with hetrosexual/homosexual relationships.
Jealousy is, apparently, a pretty normal emotion to feel although I feel it is a very negative one. I think it comes from a place of not knowing yourself, or your partner well enough to trust completely. I think you need to decide what is acceptable to you, and break it off as just friends if that isn't acceptable to her. Please do not beg her to give up the dogs, or judge her for that. I would, if it is as you say, perhaps suggest she think about the relationship she has with her dogs and potentially see someone about it. It is hard to say if there is a sexual addiction or other problem with what you've told us. My first impulse is to say it sounds unhealthy, but that could just be based on your description of the issue.
You sound open to the idea of your own dog, you may have to change the life you have a little to accommodate that but it might be the right choice for you as well. Don't throw your chance of an understanding partner away easily but rather decide what you would like and head in that direction. The best thing you can do for a relationship is know yourself, then know your partner.
Firstly, the fact you're willing to stay with her speaks volumes of your character. You're a very good SO and she's incredibly lucky to have you.
If I were in your position, I think I'd be jealous, and I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way. But a relationship is about you and her together, so perhaps you should tell her that you are upset that she gives dogs the chance to do what you can't. Try to keep in mind that she may need to be with dogs for physical satisfaction - it may be that she feels dogs give her something that nobody else can.
I'm pretty concerned for her safety, though. I'm not sure where you live, but in some areas of Eastern Europe, a great number of stray dogs carry brucellosis (the disease is found everywhere but is most prevalent in EE and the Mediterranean), which is worrying. If she's just bringing in untested stray dogs, there's no way of telling if they're infected and whether they'll pass it on.
I think it is a physical attraction thing, I'm not sure as of yet. And I think it really depends on if she continues this when we move in together that I will ask her to tone it down. But right now need to pick up the courage to tell her how I feel about it without coming off as if I hate it... ugh.
She lives in Southern USA. Is there really that high of a chance of her getting brucellosis from strays? I mean, she said she cleans them up before trying to find them new homes almost every single time. But I guess a clean won't get rid of brucellosis.
[deleted]
i know. that use of knotted....
I wouldn't go to this effort to "troll", I am being genuine.
Not to be rude, but how sure are you that she's being genuine? I've been chatting with people in the zoo community for over a decade now, and there are far more fakes and fantasists than genuine people, sadly. I've been burned more than a few times myself by people I trusted and who I thought were on the level.
To be perfectly honest, her story sounds unbelievable, so maybe you should take it with a pinch of salt or try to verify it a bit.
I have no reason to think why she'd lie to me about something like this, I'll keep on my toes though.
[deleted]
Yes, it's just sex. Dogs can't provide conversation. I.e. there's things that only humans can do for each other. Zoophiles frequently date and get married for that same reason. Being a zoo doesn't mean that animals replace other humans. It, at it's very basic bottom line, means you like the idea of fucking an animal.