I do not know the ratio of zoo-exlusives or anything, but I know at least some if not most zoophiles do have romantic and/or sexual relationships with humans (like boyfriend/wife/etc.). I was curious to know what you do as far as discussing it goes. Is this something you wait until later on to tell or something you never tell at all? I would imagine there would be fear of rejection, but if it is a close relationship, I would think there is a possibility of it coming up. If I had a partner and they came out as zoophile to me I guess it would not really be a big deal. At the very least it would mean they can get their needs satisfied elsewhere (which would be a positive for me, as I am asexual. I could do it for them, but I prefer not to, or really I have not experimented yet, so I might just be neutral to it, but my current stance is that I probably would dislike sex.). I have heard of a few zoophilies coming out to close friends and it going well, but I did not really look into it.
Anyway, I was just curios. It just occurred to me a few minutes ago and it sparked curiosity.
Personally, I'm exclusive, and I think I remember reading the statistics of that as about 20%. I have wondered if I could fall in love with a human before - if I did someday, it would be a chiefly romantic, emotional love, as you expressed; I think they would have to be a zoo as well, to be honest.
I know zoos who have started relationships with non-zoos with all secrets told, and others who are married and have children, whose spouses have no idea of their zoophilia. The latter is especially common if the relationship is not a trusting one - it is all too common that two people will stay together only for the theoretical benefit of the children, when in actuality it aversely affects all involved parties.
I have told a few friends about my sexuality, all of which have gone well, albeit to varying degrees.
Out of curiosity, is there a reason it would need to be another zoo? Or is it just a preference?
I understand other zoos, basically. Sharing zoophilia is an insight into that person that I can understand, which for me would be the basis of a relationship with them. Without it, I would struggle. I also don't fear zoos.
For me, i am exclusive too, having a relationship with another person simply doesnt seem right, and similar to what Tundrovyy said, it would be a purely romantic relationship between me and another person, as i have no interest in other people sexually at all.
If i ever was to fall in love with another person, im sure them being a zoophile would be something i would prefer, simply because they would be able to relate to me better in terms of the emotions and sexual desire i have for animals. With this in mind, i would consider it equally important for a non-zoophile partner to know i was a zoophile, without telling that other person that you are a zoo would essentially be lying to them about your sexual interests, something that should always be held to the highest of regards in a serious relationship.
Well I disagree about sex being the highest regard, but that is probably because I am asexual (though I am heteromantic, so dating is still on the table for me). I agree with being open though, anybody I date in the future will be told I am asexual (probably by the second date at the latest). For me the most important thing is the open honesty and the emotional connection. Plus the cuddles, I love cuddling, but not all asexuals do. Anyway before I ramble on any longer I should stop. So out of curiosity do you actually experience romantic attraction to people as a zoo exclusive? Or is it just the emotional connect that would develop after the relationship had already started?
Sorry if my questions seem nosy at all, I am just curious. You probably think I am weird for asking.
In this case, as a romantic attraction i mean a strong emotional connection between me and the other person, a relationship that develops off of the idea that me and another person have similar interests and enjoy each others company, but have no sexual attraction to that other person. Essentially it is comparable to having a very close friend of the opposite sex.
Romantic attraction is a little bit different than that, that would be more of what we asexuals call a squish (it is like a desire to be close(er) friends with somebody, it is a play on crush)). For sexuals romantic and sexual attraction go hand in hand, but for asexuals there is a hard line. Romantic attraction is like all the stuff before sexual desire comes in. Saying "I love you" holding hands, mushy stuff etc. Asexuals only experience the romantic attraction (some not even that) without the sexual, so the distinction is important to us.
Anyway not to veer off topic I think I understand what you mean. It sounds not unlike what aromantic asexuals say about human partners.
I'm married and came out to my husband, then boyfriend, fairly early when the relationship began to get serious and I knew he was someone I loved. Here is where I posted a little more about the reaction and details.
My ideal relationship is totally honest. I don't think I could spend my life with someone who didn't know all my secrets. I wouldn't be able to live in fear or shame. It was a huge risk but did accept it and we ended up much closer as a couple in the long run. It set a new standard for admissions and honesty I think and he was able to be equally vulnerable with me about things he probably never would have talked about otherwise.
Also, I made it clear that I wasn't saying I wanted to bring zoophilia into our lives. I don't think he would have been nearly as understanding if that was something I wanted. Fortunately I think I had already moved past the point in my life where I wanted a relationship with a non-human so it wasn't an issue. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have pursued a relationship with a person in the first place.
You are an amazing women with an amazing husband. I can only hope to have someone that close and understanding in my life.
I think it's worth pointing out that everyone has skeletons in the closet, deep secrets they would never imagine being able to tell someone else.
The magic is less with the person themselves, it's with a precedent you set together about the reward of honesty. It takes some work and it doesn't always feel comfortable, but you can make your partner feel a lot more comfortable being open if you make it a theme, that it's safe to admit things, that you can trust each other, that it's not something to fear but to cherish, that you're willing to share so much with someone.
It comes with inherent risk, but there's some analogy about how ships safe in harbors, but it's not what ships are made to do.
I'm not zoo-exclusive, so I'd very much like to have a relationship with a human, but like others who have posted, I place a great deal of value on openness and honesty, so I'd be unhappy in a relationship where I couldn't tell my partner. I've not had much experience dating people in general, but I have made several friends (including a couple who, but for the distance between us, would probably qualify as girlfriends) online who knew about my zoophilia, both zoophiles themselves and people who had no personal interest in it. The catch was that I met these people on sites like this, where I was already being totally open about it, so it wasn't something that had to be revealed. In those situations the difficult bit is being honest about all the mundane, everyday stuff, like your real name, where you live, that sort of thing. Just like coming out as zoo to a "real" person, revealing personal information to an online one takes time, trust and is done out of a desire to forge a stronger relationship, not something that should be done on a whim.
I don't know anyone in real life who I feel 1. would react well to me telling and 2. actually needs to know, so it's never come up, but in theory, should I meet someone I want a future with, I would absolutely tell them, and would want them to be open and honest with me about themselves too.
Zoo exclusive, so I can't answer that question. While I would not date a human, I would not object to living with a family member to save money on rent/mortgage/property taxes.
Many aromantic asexuals say they would want a close friend(s) to simply live in the same house with. Like roommates kind of. It is known as a squish (a play on crush) when they find somebody they would like to become closer friends with. There is also queerplatonic relationships, which I am not really sure the whole story on those. From what I understand it is like really close friends, that are not romanitic for each other, kind of like this: http://www.sadiemagazine.com/issue-no-11/arts-letters/comic/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you
I do not know much about zoo exclusives (well I mean, I know the obvious, but I do not know anything deeper if there is anything), but I think that may be relevant.
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I am in a very committed relationship with a human partner. I came out to them around year 1.5, when I seriously began considering that this person could be with me for life. Two things spurred me to do it: 1) a spirit of openness and honesty that we both value and 2) the challenges inherent to a zoo/non-zoo relationship, particularly for a horse zoo. Without coming out, my future plans for having land and a barn and a herd of my own just became an untenable web of lies and half truths, something that no one can sustain forever. Furthermore I wouldn't be able to live my life with someone who hated me for who I was, so I had to know. There was only one way to find that out for sure...
Don't leave us hanging. How did he/she react? Are they supportive?
It went over very well, actually. I was very scared and reluctant to tell her because I love her and didn't want to lose her, but I knew I had to do it, and I tried to ease her into it.
After all is said and done, she is supportive and content to share me with the horses that may come into my life, as long as everyone is equal. For every zoo with a human partner, I really think that's the way to go. It is indescribably great to have someone that close to you in your life who can accept you for who you are, and someone who can tease you about how you stare at horse butts all the time...
She still has some lingering misconceptions about zoosexuality in general, mostly related to disease/cleanliness issues, but I'm working to try and gently correct those over time.
That sounds great. I hope I'll meet someone like that someday. I wouldn't be able to lie to an SO about that, especially if I was taking riding lessons, volunteering with horses, making plans to buy, keep, and own a horse, etc. Do you mind if I PM you with a few questions?
Honestly, disease and cleanliness are the two big things I'd worry about. Animal medicine hasn't advanced as far as human medicine, and diseases can and do jump from one species to another. Besides, you can't expect a horse to understand germs - a horse won't brush its teeth, wash its face, muck out its own stall, or anything like that. So making sure you and your horse are both clean, happy, and healthy is entirely on you.
Of course, feel free to PM away! : )
Basic due diligence on the human end of an interspecies relationship, no matter what form it may take, should ensure that both ends of the relationship are happy and healthy. If you do that, then it is my belief that the risk of something like a disease jump happening, as unlikely a possibility as it is to begin with, can be lessened even more.
The first time I came out, I came out to my partner at the time who was neutral on it. After we broke up, I met another zoo and we started dating. After that relationship ended, I went out on a date with a non-zoo and waited until the end of the date to tell them and they said they didn't want to see me again even though the date went perfectly until that point. At that point, I felt suicidal because of amount of emotion I invested in just that first date only to be rejected.
After that point, I was out completely and up front to every single person I dated from that point on. And so far, being so up front about it is much better than waiting or hiding. It weeds out those who don't approve really quickly. Right now, I have 2 partners who are OK with it. In fact, I came out to both of my partner's parents too over the holidays and they were OK with it as well.
I would say that dating other zoos help, but my experiences with dating other zoos have been rather traumatic to say the least.