Are you into it?

Okay, so he is hiding it because he is afraid of being judged, not your fault, it's just the way the world is. If it is a fetish, then you need to decided if you can support it or not.

There seems to be a bigger problem; however, the porn. Zoo or not, seems to be interfering with your marriage. I've been married a long time and communication is key. If you are willing to support him I'd have to suggest couples therapy. A third party which will not judge either of you and help you start to communicate again. It is possible your husband has a porn addiction, it is certainly common, and together you might be able to find him help. Once a fetish has exposed itself however I don't think you can expect it to go away. I think you'll find that the fetish or animal kink will be a part of his thoughts from now on.

The other thing I can recommend, having been married for two decades is to not let either the shock or emotional feelings destroy something that I am sure you once thought worthwhile. Take a good look at your feelings, your morals, and decide for yourself if you can continue.

Please IM me if you have specific questions.

I don't think zoophile forums are a great place to go to get advice on stuff like this-- he's likely just drawn to bestiality porn as opposed to actually being a zoophile himself.

Anyway, having an interest in bestiality porn does not necessarily mean he's interested in participating himself in such acts, or interested in being with a partner who would want to do such things. Just because he's found bestiality porn gets him off (for now-- interests in 'extreme' porn like this can come and go pretty fast) doesn't mean you're an inadequate partner or need to change to satisfy him.

Leaving him seems like an extreme measure to take before knowing more about the situation. What's the actual problem, here? Are you uncomfortable with the porn he's watching? Are you upset that he hid it from you? Those are both extremely reasonable concerns to have for someone on your position, and you should talk to him if you're worried about either or both of those things.

If you're interested in using this discovery to improve your sex life with him, this certainly could be something to learn from! Obviously if you're not comfortable with bestiality porn you shouldn't have to engage with it in any way, but people are usually interested in bestiality porn (I'm assuming his interest is in male animal on female videos/images) for a few different reasons-- themes of domination/submission, degradation, extremely 'slutty' behavior, and stuff along those lines. (I don't agree with those themes being associated with the act of having sex with an animal, but the fact is that in porn they frequently are.) If you talk to him about what it is about the videos that he enjoys, you may be able to incorporate some of those themes into your own sex life, if that's something you'd both be interested in!

You already seem ten times more level headed and rational than most people when the topic of zoophilia comes up. I have to congratulate you on that accord.

Yes, your husband deceived you, and you have a right to be upset, but it's important that you try to see it from his perspective as well. Zoophilia is a topic that is extremely sensitive, even among those people whom you trust the most. People tend to be extremely polarized on the subject and telling anybody that you are romantically or sexually attracted to non-humans can destroy friendships/relationships. This is most likely why he felt that he needed to hide this part of himself from you.

I'm going to be honest here, you seem to be quick to jump to conclusions about your husband's stance on the matter. You have nothing to lose by sitting down with your husband, one-on-one, and having a real heart-to-heart discussion about how you feel and how he feels about it. The results of the conversation may brighten your outlook on the matter significantly. I know many men who are interested in both animals and women, and actually prefer women as sexual partners in most cases but feel a special connection to their pets or livestock.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

I'm far from an authority on relationship advice, so I won't try to solve all your problems in one reddit post, but it seems to me that the primary issue here is a lack of trust/communication between the two of you. While I can sympathise with him not wanting anyone to find out he watches animal porn, because some people (incorrectly) view it as on par with child abuse, the one person I absolutely would tell is my significant other, because openness and trust are the cornerstones of a strong relationship. If this isn't the only thing he's lied to you about, then there's clearly some issue at play causing him to feel the need to hide things from you, be it fear of being judged, fear of getting in trouble with you or even just selfishness. If you can talk to him and find out why he lies, maybe you can address the root cause.

Honestly, the fact that it's animal porn is almost incidental, since from what I've read in other posts here he's not a zoophile, just someone who likes the porn. It doesn't sound like he has any intention to act out any fantasies or has any attraction to animals, so the impact on your life should be extremely small. It's somewhat like if you found out he had a lot of porn with extremely obese women in; he may enjoy watching it, but it doesn't in any way mean that he'd be happier married to someone who weighed 300 pounds, or that you're "not what he wants" just because you don't match up with every one of his fetishes. It's just a kink to him, something that he finds it hot to think about and look at, but very much in the realm of fantasy.

Finally, I'd echo what /u/Yearningmice said and recommend not letting the shock or initial emotional reaction to this push you into a decision too quickly. It may not carry much water coming from someone so obviously in the pro-zoophilia camp, but sex with animals (and hence porn of it) need not be morally wrong or ethically questionable. The content of the porn should not be the issue here, but rather his apparent need to keep secrets from you. Relationships can survive weird kinks, different kinks, no kinks, all the kinks, but what do more damage than almost anything else are lies.

I hope you and he manage to find a happy resolution to all this.

How do you know it's "clearly"? - In fact, I am not quite sure what your question is, but let me try to cover some bases, so please stay with me (downvote in the end if I disappointed, that's alright)

Does he have breakfast with the family pony on the table and forgets about your pancake? If not I don't see it 'clearly'.

An easy explanation for his hiding it is that this topic is potentially so explosive, nobody in their right mind tells people. Not to anyone. Not even their wives (to be honest, not telling your spouse should start at tax evasion already for people with clear minds). So it seems he is afraid of losing you, if he cares about it (unless you two never have sex - in that case you are indeed his cover-marriage).

People can easily be zoo+heterosexuals at the same time. Also, while the internet suggests that basically there are these two complete polar opposites of 'anti' and 'zoo', don't try to tell us there is only those. We all and you know one could have a middle position. Something like: Eww - oh well, I don't care what that guy does in his room on Friday night. Being zoo and heterosexual with humans at the same time also means that you are not ugly or 'worth less than those dogs he likes' or similar things I have people seen asking. I understand the notion one could have there, but if I watched some gayporn, that doesn't mean I immediately don't like women any longer. It's just porn...

So to assemble this the correct way: First ask yourself if you are so disgusted or morally shaken by this topic that you would want to leave on these grounds alone. I would say there is no logical reason for being so. But I can hardly argue with how people feel they want to live. If you are disgusted, leave. If not, second stage: Does he love you? Are there signs of affection? Do you guys have enough sex? If yes, good, that is healthy. If not at all, leaving could be better. Talk about that calmly, in a way of "I just want to be sure we are on the same page regarding our futures and how we feel about them" And third: If you just happen to have a husband who has zoophilia, and otherwise you guys are doing well, I would recommend: Just leave him alone. You can't cure it, you can't completely suppress it. Either communicate to him that you are super/ok/neutral/grossed out by it, and that based on this you can either have more fun together (petplay, watching porn... getting a dog...), or both of you can agree that even married people don't need to share 100% of their interests. Then let him have that alone time, make your own alone time worthwhile and great for yourself meanwhile. Talk about it or not, depending on your decision etc.

In any case: If it is pure zoophilia, and nothing with animals being killed or similar, then he doesn't need any help or what you could figure. You would only mess up his and your life by getting any outsiders involved. However, zoophilia itself is harmless, I assure you. If he was bisexual, would you be so extremely worried if he watched quite a lot of gay porn? Perhaps it would help to make that analogy, and to think about the issues separately: Can you live with zoophilia being a thing? And if that was gayporn and he's a bisexual, what would you think then? Perhaps that helps to clear up your thoughts.

Hope that was worth it. Feel free to PM if I can help in any way explaining more things or so. Good luck!

great advice has already been given by several. i just wanted to add to the voices of support and thanks - for trying to work this out with your husband and seeking out help from this community with an open mind. i hope things go well.

Hello!

There isn't a whole lot to be said that hasn't already (I would just be repeating what others have said), however there is an old story I think you might like to read.

Here you go.

As /u/IAmAZoophile explained, your husband may not be a zoophile himself, but simply into the porn; that is to say he may like the kinkiness as opposed to finding the animals themselves attractive. He probably has no desire to actually have sex with animals as we do.

Edit: link is broken; will reupload.

I'm clearly not what he wants.

Do you know for sure that you're not what he wants?

I'm a woman with an attraction to certain kinds of canines, I had zoophilic experiences when I was younger, an intense relationship even if you could call it that.

But I'm happily married now to someone who doesn't share that attraction, and I would never choose an animal over my human lover and husband of many years. To be honest I still feel an odd twinge of attraction at some zoophilia related things, but it's not something I want to complicated our life with, and we're both very open and honest about these things.

He was also very insecure when he first learned my history and there's no real avoiding that, but it's worthwhile to go through these feelings of discovering that your partner has a side you never knew about, to learn what it means and ask a lot of questions about what it means to him, tell him what it means to you, and go from there.

having a bestiality/zoophilia fetish or even mild kink is extremely taboo and shameful because of social stigma, expect him to be defensive and hide things, it's instinctive, but if you make him feel safe and that you still care for him and just want to know how he feels, he should open up and will probably alleviate a lot of your fears. There's only a small percentage of people with zoophile tendencies that are "zoo exclusive" and would even imagine leaving a human partner to be with an animal. Also, there are FAR more people than anyone knows who have this as a fantasy, and strictly fantasy and would likely never act on it.

My husband has hid things he was ashamed of, even after knowing my own secret. It's sometimes hard to help but feel your partner won't understand or will overreact. Give it some time and compassion and maybe after it's over you'll both know something new about each other.

If it's very hard to talk about, I would suggest seeing a couple's councilor, but reassure your husband it won't be about the content of what he's looking at specifically, but about honesty and intimacy.

If you need to talk to someone privately my message box is always open. I really hope you manage to work this out.

edit: read some other posts and saw that your husband really just has a kink for bestiality most likely. This doesn't change much of what I suggested, but further reinforces the fact that he's not likely to leave you or want someone else as much as he likely just has the fantasy about the taboo act, or seeing humiliation/domination. Those are also normal but very shameful fantasies that many people have. It's still worth opening up a conversation and seeing what you might be able to do that you would be comfortable with to help him enjoy sexual fantasy with you more instead of keeping his fantasies completely private and withdrawing.

Dont leave him

People have strange and eccentric kinks. Don't take it too seriously, it's just one thing that gets him off. Doesn't mean he's actually going to grab a dog and ask for a threesome.