I'm by no means an expert or anything but I completely understand why you want to come out. I've been through this a time or two and its rough. Hiding something that you feel is core to your existence can be really heavy on ones mind after a while. It probably feels worse because you understand the risks but desire to do it anyway. A case of, "I want X but know I cant have it" kind of thing if you will.

As for what you're missing by staying in the closet, I believe that you feel you're missing the potential to have someone accept who you truly are. However, this is the perfect scenario and does not always happen. Staying in the closet is certainly a safer option and coming out should be determined on an individual basis by your judgement of the person you want to tell. Coming out can be a really good experience and can also be liberating, but it does carry significant risks.

It's something that I think most if not all zoos struggle with at one point or another. I'm sure I speak for others when I say that we're here for you. Stay strong.

Not wanting to live a lie is the main reason I am out. I'm sure there are multiple reasons other than that, but I can't really think of any. I personally want all of my social connections to be genuine and honest and I feel really lonely when I am unable to have that type of social connection, even if there are people in my life who call me "friend". I can't say the same to people I don't feel that sort of connection with.

I've been quite the opposite recently. I'm out as a zoo by choice among a trusted group of people in a gaming community I'm in, and even though I trust these people a lot, I wish I never had come out.

Everyone there is very supportive about it, but I'm still worried about that information getting out of that community.

There's an unbelievable relief associated with knowing someone else knows. It's almost inexplicable, and yet the effects are readily felt.

I'll often recommend coming out to a trusted individual to people with a similar personality to myself, because I can speak from experience. The emphasis is on trust, however; you have to watch, religiously, someone's opinions and tolerances as well as their openness to new concepts. It's not foolproof but you dramatically increase your chances of acceptance if you choose wisely.

In the end, I don't actually want to be out. It is true when they say it is no one's business but yours and your partners.

The problem is that until it doesn't matter if you are out or not you will always have that stress at the back of your mind.

Let me just say that I think it would be somewhat harder since you implied you are an adult rather then someone young like me that currently has no permanent job/career . As for "What is it that I'm missing from staying in the closet?" for me the biggest thing I gained is horse farms where I volunteer at without fear of being judged too much differently (I'm still a virgin though because the places I was at were way too public). However Heed this warning: Most (non-zoo) people would really be frightened if they caught you "on the job", especially if you acted normal until the act. I can get away with murder because I talk ALOT, hence even from the first day I started volunteered at most places they knew I was not normal, hence I broke the ice gradually.

I completely understand the feeling of talking about it with someone, every single bit of it. Coming out could help you (if the reaction isn't negative) but actually having a good talk/discussion about it might even be harder (in my own experience). If you do decide to come out to someone, do it because you want to be honest with them. If you're lucky you find one you can have a good discussion about the subject but I wouldn't count on it too much.

I know how you feel. I really want to feel like people can accept me for who I am. I now know so many that the hardest part is remembering which of them are zoos and which aren't. It's kinda funny, really -- I now know I'm not a weirdo, but I'm not special either. It's really hard to bond with other humans over a preference for non-humans :P. Happens sometimes though.

I've tried all my life to hide who I am from other people, and it sucks. But recently I met someone who was a big inspiration to me. He lives his life as close as possible to his true self while still being socially acceptable enough to not inspire a smear campaign against him. He openly calls animals sexy, but claims he'd never actually do anything with them outside of fantasy. And he manages to rally a nice group of open supporters this way. I think this may be the way to go.

It is hard to say but I can relate. As an asexual it is hard not to want to tell people an be open about it. The risks are not nearly as high for me coming out though. It seems for many that their sexual orientation is part of who they are, and if they do not tell those around them, it is like not telling them who they really are. Idk for sure, that is how I see it anyway.