Hey everyone- I've been a silent observer on the sub for quite a while now, and I've been content being in the background, but I've coming up on a quite an issue in my life lately emotionally and mentally. I'm going through a really rough time when it comes to accepting myself as a zoo and the emotional turmoil that comes with that, and I was wanting to get some second opinions with other people. The biggest thing that gets me is the way that society looks at us, and the way that can we will never be a truly accepted. Its hard knowing that who you are as a person and who you truly are inside is something that will never be accepted, and that you will have to hide for the rest of your life. Having to live that false life and hiding your true self from everyone that you know, it takes an emotional toll on you not being able to be who you really are. I've known I was a zoo for about 8 years now, and I've only told one person- and it ruined that friendship. I wanted say I'm depressed, but there are many times where I sit and I think for hours on what I'm going to do with my life, and if I'm going to be alone for most of it.
So in general I guess I'm asking for second opinions and people who are older than me, have more experience and have lived life- how do you get through it? What keeps you positive? What do you do that helps you truly accept who you are?
Any help on this would be truly appreciated, thanks guys.
I don't know how old you are but I'm 25. I would be your friend and I would accept you as a zoo... Why would you think that society will never accept us? How can you know? We need to be positive. I think it is a goal of mine to get the rest of society to accept zoosexuals. I think all it takes is some doing. If we never have courage and never speak up about ourselves then we have no hope of society ever accepting us.
Think of all the people you know. Now get rid of anyone above forty and anyone below twenty. Now get rid of the women. Now get rid of anyone who isn't exclusively attracted to women. Now get rid of anyone with a below average height, as well as anyone who isn't particularly muscular. Get rid of anyone without a college education, and anyone who isn't middle class. Finally, get rid of everyone with long hair, glasses, and/or bad teeth.
Chances are, not many people are left. Society's view of the ideal person is unrealistic to say the least, and seeing as I'm part of one or two counter cultures, I find that society's view of the ideal person is actually quite offensive. There's nothing wrong with being a strong-tall-middleclass-straight-male with an education, a respectable haircut, good vision, and well aligned teeth, but I find that most of these should hardly be goals in life. Most of them are just neutral attributes that make up who we are.
My advice would be to think of zoophilia as one of these attributes. Not for the better or for the worse, but rather, as just another thing.
One of the biggest helps to me had been friends. Going in alone is never easy, no matter the context. I have made many friends in my short time in the community and it has helped me immensely.
One always has to remember as well that there is always something to look forward to. Life is always changing, and we never know what could happen next. Focusing on goals of mine and achieving them has been very good at giving me a positive outlook.
All that being said, my mate is what most helps me. I am a very extroverted person, so having society tell me that I am a fucked up monster is very disheartening. But when I am with my mate, and I know what I am doing, and when others can see the close bond between us, then that makes me feel good and keep my head up. It also helps to have friends who are not as shallow. Be a widely accepting and friendly person, and I have found that many people will come to accept you as well. And don't let one bad breakup get you down, as it is nearly inevitable. Sad, but true.
Anyways, you can also feel free to PM me if you want to text chat on Skype or anything, I can get you my Skype username from there. :)
Chin up.
I've come out to a few people over the years. Most have taken it well, but one… took it badly, yet took a long time to get there.
While it pays to be cautious, it is also important to find people you can come out to — there are people out there who will accept you. When I carefully chose friends to come out to, it turned out that one of my friends had dated a zoo, and two other friends were also zoo themselves.
I've been less than careful with who I come out to. I've also been extremely lucky with it. I first came out to my therapist (I was seeing him for depression and social anxiety, not zoo stuff per se), and he was quite understanding, drawing on the almost spiritual connection he felt with German Shepherds to understand. Next came my parents, first my mother (who was shocked, but still loved me, even though she still doesn't really accept it as more than a phase motivated by fear), and then a few friends (who were also shocked, but understanding as well). Most recently, I wrote about zoo stuff in an essay for English 101 (my first experiences and feelings, nothing explicit), and everyone I showed it to - including the professor - said that they were OK with it and complimented me on the writing.
Fear, in this case, is a good thing, especially if you're young and coming out will wreck your life. As general advice, I recommend the song Spectrum by boyinaband, which was written about gay and bi people but applies equally well to zoos. Just be safe, first and foremost.
I do not identify myself as zoo and I see nothing wrong with zoophiles, just as I don't see anything wrong with gays. There are tolerant people out there and I hope with time that acceptance will only grow.
I do not have any personal advice, beyond this reassurance, unfortunately.
Thanks for the comment, it's always nice to hear friendly voices outside the community. :)
Thanks for all the tips everyone =)
I'm 22, and am going through nursing school. Maybe the stress of that is what has got me thinking in hyperactive mode? I guess I just haven't met that person or people who I feel that... confident with. I have considered going to a counselor and talking about it, but every time I have almost done it I chicken out. I hate having the feeling of being almost ashamed of myself for being so different, so deviant. Part of why I find it hard to accept myself I guess. But, again, thanks for the pointers. Forums like this make it easier =)
I can not answer your questions as I am not a zoo, but I can offer my support. The way I see it, it will get better over time, much like it did for homosexuals, people just need to learn and this awful thing, hatred, only slows the process. You can be accepted, instead of starting out by saying you are a zoo, maybe tiptoe around it a bit, mention an news article about a zoophile and ask how they feel about that, if they give a positive response, then maybe they are one you can safely reveal to, perhaps not, but this is one way to start gauging.
Oh and one last thing, if you ever need somebody to vent/chat to you can PM me, that goes for everybody. I will not judge you for what you need to say.
Don't be overly concerned about society's view on you. They don't like us. They want us to dissapear.
I just embrace that I am who I am. I have carefully met a couple other zoos (in person) and that helps the feelings of loneliness. There are a lot of us, you are not alone.
i think i would be a lot more cautious about coming out to others. yes, it has worked out for some, but for many it has not, and you stand to lose a lot, especially if you currently have a partner.
it is indeed a sad and lonely life, sometimes. as you realize, places like this help a lot .. and you can try to meet other zoos IRL to help banish that loneliness even more, but do take your time and be very cautious about that, as well. meeting in a neutral, public location is one bit of advice that i've received in the past, and i think it's good advice.