Often when I have nothing better to do I sit beside my dog and simply spend time together. Usually I'm able to tell what he's feeling simply by the air around him, as well as his body language, but during these moments I'm given no indication whether he enjoys my company. So I'm stuck there unsure if I should go away or stay, but if he decides to move I don't follow because I take that as his way of saying he wants to be alone.
During one of these moments I got to thinking: what if he stays only because I'm seen as higher up the social ladder? I know he follows instructions from myself, my parents and brother because he trusts us, because we're seen as the 'dominants' in this family, and because he knows if he doesn't do as he's told he may be reprimanded.
Could this be translated to an intimate scenario? I mean, if you were to be with your partner in an intimate setting, you were the one to make the first move, and he/she is given the option to move away, it's possible your partner may go with it simply because you're seen as the alpha, right?
I know other animals don't express enjoyment in totally the same way as humans do, and often they may be very quiet and still in an intimate scenario, so how exactly can you tell if your partner is being submissive, or 'doing you a favour' - be it a dog, horse or whoever else?
More importantly, how do you ensure that you're not seen in that way - that you want him/her to seek enjoyment, rather than do as you say or risk a penalty of some kind? Because, after all, shouldn't both partners view each other as equals when they're having a pleasurable experience?
Wow, this is a really interesting post, and poses a good question. I want to say that if a dog is just being submissive to you you could see it in their body language. I'm no animal behaviorist so I may be uninformed on some things, but generally you can tell a dog that trusts you vs just submits to you by ears, posture, many things. I can't name most of them off the top of my head, but Google will have a list somewhere.
I'm afraid I only have experience with...willful dogs. They were all good dogs, but had no trouble misbehaving, and they knew they were doing something wrong. They didn't just make a mistake they intentionally chose to misbehave to my face.
With a more well behaved dog, it might be harder to determine if the situation is an opportunity for intimacy or not. The dog may be more hesitant to leave the situation because it respects you. But I feel like if you go slow and give the pooch ample opportunity to leave the situation then you're not doing a bad thing.
He's only been here for a shy month and a half and although I was initially border lining paranoid about me reading him wrong, we got used to each other very quickly and almost always I can tell when he enjoys something or not. He's very "vocal" about it with his body language. If I stop doing whatever I was doing, he'll complain loudly. There's no better signal than that to determine whether he enjoys something or not.
I've always put dogs in the situation where they have to make their first move. I wouldn't trust myself otherwise. They're always free to ignore and do nothing. Though it's exceptionally rare when they do that.
Some times I just want a cuddle. I just lie next to him for a while, stroking his fur, hearing his heartbeat go faster. And when I stand up to leave, he'll wake up, paw at me and whine, spread out and even show the goods I don't respond to that. Honestly, there's no better reassurance than that of that fact that he enjoys my company as opposed to him acting submissive.
Well, to start, you don't have to worry about your dog just doing things for the alpha because, well, your dog doesn't see you as the alpha. This is a concept that in dogs is very different from popular perception. ;P
Anyway, imo, it is true that you should want an animal to be with you and partake in activities with you for enjoyment, not out of compliance or fear. I think the best way to go about this is to make being with you a positive experience. While this can mean treats, it also refers to the very broad category of anything a dog enjoys. Toys, games, walks, attention, grooming/petting, and warm contact like cuddling all fall into this category.
This might sound shallow, but really, think about people you like to be around. Think about people you don't like. You want to be around people who are fun, interesting, and rewarding, you like having people who comfort you and make you feel safe, and so do dogs.
Something else to keep in mind is that if a dog is doing something out of fear of punishment, this implies that there is a punishment for that action. Looking specifically at the situation of someone cuddling with a dog, the most punishment that would occur for the dog walking away is that it misses out on any more grooming and social input. In this context, it isn't much of a punishment at all. Going back to human friends, think of the difference between choosing to go home and nap after lunch with a friend vs. that friend ending lunch early because you made them upset.
When applied to intimacy, I think that ideally it should be like petting or going for a walk in that it's its own reward. Participating is a fun, pleasurable activity, and the only 'punishment' for not doing so is, well, not doing so.
Just my own response based on what I know and have experienced, the previous comments have been pretty much on point so far.
I would agree that you shouldn't worry about the idea if a dog is just spending time with you because they view you as their 'alpha'. That's not really how that works. If the dog has a relaxed posture and not having their ears pulled back and showing your their belly, then you're probably just fine.
Generally, letting a dog lead in positive interaction can work, but you also want to be careful as there are often cases where they can develop behaviors that are not conducive to good pet-owning. There are definitely many guides out there for training dogs. If you haven't already spent time looking up training videos and comments of trainers, I would definitely suggest doing so. There's a lot of different ideas out there though, so try to find something that works well for you and your dog.
Even in an intimate situation, they will likely let you know if they like the interaction or not. They're not going to 'just go with it' because they think you're the alpha. Unless they've already been conditioned to be completely submissive. But this kind of behavior is pretty obvious and easy to spot. Fear responses is pretty much universal in most dogs and have a few ways of showing itself. But just pay attention to the body language of your dog. If you're not familiar with the various forms of body language dogs typically show, then you need to familiarize yourself with that first thing.
Many animals (especially domesticated ones) are usually capable of showing us what their demeanor is. What their emotional state is. You just have to know what you're looking for. Now there are variations in behavior, of course. But there are generally key things that you can look for.
It's very difficult to tell if a dog 'thinks' if they're equal to you or not. But as long as the dog is showing comfort or enjoyment from the interaction, I see no problems in it. It should be easy to see in their behavior one way or the other. Just don't force such a thing on a dog. They're your family, not 'just' a dog to use.
Okay, this is all fine, but no one has explained whether this can be the case for equines.
As far as I know, the general answer is yes. I don't remember if there's been equine studies based on the topic of 'consent' itself. But anyone who's been around horses can tell you that they 'say' a lot with their body language. Just as with dogs, you can tell when a horse is unhappy or happy (to put it simply). The position of the ears, movement of the tail, hoofing behaviors as well as any distinct sounds of huffing or snorts. There are many ways for a horse to let you know how they're feeling. If it came to anything being 'intimate', they are perfectly capable of moving away, or kicking or any number of other things if they didn't like it. I've had horses that didn't always get along with each other. Thankfully, no major injuries were ever given, but it's pretty easy to tell.
Now, sometimes we may tie them up for things like breeding. This is most often done to prevent possible injuries to the stallion if the mare is not terribly receptive to the male. This is a common practice that's done for a particular reason. Prize-winning stallions can be quite expensive and to cause injury to one is not something you want to deal with. But it's still done against the horse's will or consent.
In terms of dominance structure in horses, its a bit different than that in canines. There's no truly defined hierarchy in horses in most cases. In the wild, you can sometimes have herds that are lead by a lead stallion and mare. But I don't think that's clearly set either. But a relationship between rider and horse should always be about trust. Without that, it's difficult to be a good partner in any sense. Horses are not exactly known for being 'submissive' too. If the animal is not showing real nervousness or stress and is not obviously scared, then I have no reason to think that there's an issue.
I hope this helps. I'm trying to keep comments as neutral here as I can as I'm not intentionally trying to support one side or another here. But I am explaining my understanding to the best of my knowledge based on many articles on behavior that I've read as well as personal experience I have had with horses and dogs, specifically.
Apologies for the late reply as well. Last couple weeks have been quite busy!