So here goes, the only way I can describe what sort of a person I am now is "part zoophile".
About me: Straight. No weird fetishes. Pretty vanilla. Dude.
I discovered bestiality when perusing my dad's old porn mags and it was a story about a girl who spends the night with her horse. The entire bestial nature of it all was an incredible turn-on and I spent more than a few days thinking about that.
Being young and easily distracted, I forgot about it and I only re-discovered bestial porn years later. So, here comes some description of the porn I watched, so I'm sorry to all zoophiles since I know that bestial porn isn't something that every zoophile enjoys. And I understand why.
I stumbled upon dildogging and that was more than enough to rekindle my interest in bestiality but something about how the dog not seeming to enjoy the entire thing was enough of a turn-off that I started looking up more and more into how dogs "work". And then I discovered ZooSkool and now ArtofZoo. I enjoy the stuff that they make a lot more.
So now comes the part which confuses me. Since I'm straight (to a fault), I am not a fan of anal sex and so I can never be with a dog. I have tried watching amateur men be with dogs (I know a few gay and bi men) and it hasn't turned me on at all. I can only be impressed at the guy for having no qualms about anal stimulation (Something that I have tried but me being the clean freak I was, I couldn't do much. I guess being "straight" didn't help either).
The thing is that all this exposure to bestial porn has made me wish that I was a lady just so that I can be with a dog. So what I did was that I created an account on Second Life and I have a female avatar there. My first RP with a "dog" who was amazing at RP was simply mindblowing. Nothing else has even come close. And on SL, I have been with a guy and 2 girls otherwise (all of whom know that I am a guy). And funnily enough, one of the girls is a bisexual dude. So I have RP'ed with a guy and a girl and although they were extremely fantastic, nothing beat that one with the "dog".
I feel like the avatar is an extension of my persona and so it is easy to look at what the avatar does as something I would do. It's weird but in-world, I'm not attracted to any of the dudes and the ladies. I told the guys that I was a dude and most left. Even the ones who were okay with that fact didn't appeal to me much, apart from that one guy (just because he was good at RP, I guess. I was never inclined to talk to him again and he hasn't contacted me too). The same thing with the girls. Most left when I told them that I was a guy and the rest are just good friends. In-world, I look for 'dogs' who can RP very well. The 'dog' has to be "silent" as in he can't say, "Oh God, you are so tight. Ummmf". No bigger turn off than that. He has to act like a real dog, with sniffing, barking, and the lot.
So yeah, I have this weird convoluted fantasy involving me being a girl so that I can be with a dog. I know that this isn't your usual fetish or kink. I feel like I am a zoophile but I'm not at the same time. Thoughts? It would genuinely help me in figuring myself out.
Edit: Added sentence mentioning details at penultimate paragraph and minor edits.
Depends on the definition. The gender thing doesn't disqualify you in any way. Some people believe that a zoophile has to experience both sexual and romantic attraction to animals, and that someone who only experiences the former is only a fetishist/bestialist which has a more negative connotation because of sites like Beastforums.
Personally, I'd consider you to be a zoophile since even though I'm not sure if you have any romantic feelings for animals, you're sexually attracted to them and don't objectify them ("I stumbled upon dildogging and that was more than enough to rekindle my interest in bestiality but something about how the dog not seeming to enjoy the entire thing was enough of a turn-off").
First of all, thanks for the answer! And also for your opinion!
That's what I was worried about to be honest. I feel like being a fetishist is, in the end sort of degrading to dogs. I mean, they're living beings and (I think) they experience emotions as well.
In my opinion, a fetishist doesn't consider the dog but is more focused on himself/herself. He/she just wants to get off.
In all the time I have RP'ed or imagined being a girl, I haven't thought of one instance where I focused on myself. It seems crude to type it out (I can't believe I'm being prudish after typing all that out), but in my RP's and my fantasies, the dog has to tie, I need to experience him fully, and he has to experience me.
I haven't been romantically interested in a dog in SL. I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me and you spotted it. I kept thinking that I was a fetishist for my interest in them. And while it wasn't like a existential crisis, I didn't like how it nagged at my insides whenever I thought of it.
Confirmation that I don't objectify them is a load off my head. I don't know if there'll be one day when I can look at a dog and think that he'd be the perfect companion for the rest of my life but I know that I started as a fetishist and now I was worried about not caring enough. So the knowledge that I've changed is enough for now. Let's see what time holds.
One of the things that confuses me is that you never seem to address the idea of female dogs. You say you can't be with a dog because you're straight, and you don't like the idea of anal (which I totally get, by the way)... But neither of those objections apply if we're talking about a female animal. Is there a reason that I'm missing that you're omitting that possibility?
Well, I think it is a direct outcome of how I came to be introduced to zoo erotica. I saw girls with dogs and I did not see guys with dogs. So it was a while before I thought, "won't guys do the same as well?" I have tried to watch videos (For a starting point, it's something), with men and female dogs but it wasn't something I could get interested in. I tried reading erotica as well but it wasn't doing it for me as well.
Honestly, I can't think of a reason other than that. I just didn't make the connection before and now I think I'm too deep in this "fantasy" of mine that I can't think otherwise.
I hope this makes sense.
Don't worry, I totally understand the fantasy.
Though the term has fallen out of favor, "autogynephilia" is an interesting thing to look up. Basically... If you like to fantasize about yourself as a female, but you really don't consider yourself female in other regards or circumstances, or really want to transition, the term may be applicable.
On the note of erotica... I guess this is selfish, but still, I wonder... I may have written stories that would appeal to you. Unless it is written erotica itself that does nothing for you, rather than the male human female animal subject. That was slightly ambiguous.
Anyway, to get more on topic now. I actually did some research on zoophilia as a sexual orientation, so I'll give you my thoughts on that if you like, since that's actually what you were originally asking.
Some of these I know you've answered, but those were the main criteria I used, so I figured I'd list them anyway. My point is, if you're answering "yes" to most or all of those, well, you fit the definition pretty well. If you're answering "yes" to only a couple, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're not, but it probably means it's not as strong of an attraction overall as it is for many zoophiles. I just thought I'd give you some criteria if you like.
Also remember that "zoophile" is an identity. As such, whether you consider yourself one or not really doesn't change who you are fundamentally. You seem to know what you like and what you don't, and in the end that can be much more important than how you decide to label yourself (though I'm not denying labels are important as well, for ourselves and others).
Autogynephilia is something I haven't heard of. I still would be looking it up for sure.
I love written erotica. More than porn because there's something about written erotica that simply is better than any other form of erotica for me.
I wasn't clear enough in my previous reply. It was just male-human/female-animal written erotica that didn't do anything for me.
So about the questions, I guess it's
Yes
Maybe
No/Not yet
Yes
Yes
I think I do.
Like you said, knowing what I want and what I don't want is a good thing.
About the label, it was that I was guilty about the "dalliances" that I had on Second Life and I began to question myself. I didn't want to be a fetishist and it felt like I was just doing it for myself. It didn't feel nice at all. And since I couldn't physically interact with them, I didn't know if the "dogs" had a good experience. So that's when the guilt set in.
And without a label, I didn't know if what I was doing fit me; as in:
If I was someone who just liked bestiality, I shouldn't be feeling guilty.
If I was a zoophile, it's alright to feel that because it's not a physical relationship. (If it was a physical relationship I think I'd know if the other party had a good time/experience. That's what I'm meaning.)
At least that's how I looked at my dilemma. And so I would have been fine with either answer since both give me direction.
So thank you very much for your answer and your thoughts!
i'd like to say something here, but i really don't know what to say. it's got to be frustrating to be in your situation. i remember thinking along similar lines in the past when i'd fantasize about male animals - that i would like to be able to switch to being a woman sometimes.
as was said, i think .. especially being new to it .. that thinking there's something a bit off about dildogging is a good sign that you're on a good path that, if pursued IRL would hopefully keep you from doing anything that would hurt a dog.
i totally understand about the anal thing, too. part of me wants to try because i like giving a pleasurable experience to both females and males, but .. i just dunno about receiving anal.. perhaps some day.
So there's a bit of a train of thought described below that I can now describe as stupid but at the time, it didn't feel stupid. And I'd also like to say that I don't have any knowledge about transitioning and so to me, it was this magic procedure that would cause me to change from a guy to a girl.
I was genuinely thinking about transitioning. I was so into this fantasy. It was later that I realised that I was considering transitioning for all the wrong reasons. I did not identify as a lady and I still don't. I was considering it just because it would fulfill this fantasy of mine. Maybe one day when transitioning is easy, I could consider it, but in a place and time like this and with my lack of knowledge about transitioning, it was basically stupid of me to even think that.
I'm saying this only to describe to you all how much I was into this and because of that, the amount of guilt that I was carrying when it didn't feel alright.
Well, about dildogging, it didn't seem natural at all. I mean, I hadn't seen a dog mating but I knew that it wasn't the right way that a dog would want to do it. It didn't take me long to figure out that I was right. And so I still can't watch them. I only have a handful of videos and written erotica that I keep going back to since they are the only things that seem natural and right.
I'm with you on the anal thing. I can't imagine doing it now but then again, I couldn't imagine being on Second Life as a girl exploring my fantasies. So time can change people. So, maybe, some day I can bring myself to do it, or I can't. Right now, I needed an answer so that I didn't have to battle guilt. And I seem to have gotten that answer from the people who responded above. I'd still like other people's take on this.
Thank you for your response and your opinions! It's always nice to hear from someone who can understand!
not a problem. my situation was more of a romantic fantasy (kissing and cuddling and such), but there was a billboard with a male lion on it, and he had the most gorgeous eyes...
I haven't seen lions in that way but I know some dogs and cats who have the most amazing eyes and I can understand what you mean. So much.
P.S. I was going to describe them and I found that I can't actually describe how amazing I found them. Christ. That's a bit sad for the writer in me. I could only think of "deep pools of black" but that's next to nothing. I think I need sleep.
It's funny, i recognize some of your thoughts...
I'm a guy, and I'm into female animals, but with dogs theres an exception, so males turn me on as well. But when I start imagining being with a male, it stops at the point: what kind of sex would I even want to have with him? The thought of receiving anal also doesn't turn me on that much. So I thought, I would enjoy sex with a male dog, if i was female.
But for me it was just a small thought, I don't want to be a woman, and actually female canines, mares, etc. are much more appealing to me.
Also sex isn't all that defines the word zoophilia, if you aren't emotionally attracted to animals, you're probably not a "full" zoo. But it's just words. If it makes you happy, and you are able to make animals happy too, the difference is not that big. ;)
Lol, don't know if my info was useful, but it was interesting to read your story because I can somehow understand what your fantasies are.
Well, I should have mentioned this in my response to Swibblestein, I don't have a desire to be a lady. Although, I think I did mention that I knew that I didn't want to transition because I didn't identify as female. So hopefully this clears it up for everyone. I don't want to be a woman.
It's just that I want to be with a male dog so much that I'd be a woman just because of that. And my conversation here has cleared up why I want that.
And I've been hearing you guys talk about emotional attraction and Swibblestein asked me a question about that. My answer was a "not at the moment" but a bit of introspection revealed to me that I started out as a fetishist who just wanted a bigger high and ended up having fantasies about it. But in all of this, I didn't look at the dog as an object and so I know I'm not someone who just wants a high anymore. And that's the main reason I asked this.
I was just wanting to know what I was. My time in SL with dogs left me guilty because I was acting out a fantasy that I could never live out in real life and so it ended up making me very miserable. Questions like, "What sort of a person am I to find dogs more attractive than males or females in SL?" and "Would I be doing this in RL if I were a girl?". And a lot more that made me feel worse and worse about myself.
So most of the answers tell that I'm part zoophile. And I'm fine with that because it gives me direction. And that's what I needed. I needed to get out of feeling guilty and bad at myself. And these answers helped. I might not be a full-zoophile, I don't know if I ever will. But at least I found that I cared about the animals and that I'm not a bad person. So that's good enough for me.
P.S. Anyone's opinion is always useful to the person who hears it (me, in this case) since it gives the person new perspective. So much appreciated!
Yeah, people are different, and not every zoophile starts that way, or acts like the next person with these thoughts/feelings. And it's very good that you accepted yourself.
I've been zoophile from the beginning, so I don't even know what's it like to be "normal". ;)
I'm beginning to understand that now. I always knew that people were different but it's only when I heard your stories, I realise that not everyone starts the same way.
Also, "normal" is relative. So I'd call this normal. :)
A quick question. Being male and straight (like myself) have you ever been attracted to or considered sex with a bitch? Just curious if your attraction is only to male dogs.
On your query, I say the only one who labels you is you. Be who and what you choose.
Silverwolf- Tippys & Shadows mate
Yeah, I'm attracted to male dogs only. I think I mentioned it elsewhere why I think this is the case. Basically male dogs/human females was my introduction and so that's what shaped my fantasies.
Well, apart from clearing up all my doubts, what you guys have said doubles up as great motivational advice as well. And funnily enough, I could use some now.