I came out to my mother tonight. It did not go so well.
She approached me and asked me how I saw myself in the future in terms of friends, because she was worried about my social life and how I only kept in constant contact with four people I know very well from high school. So I replied that I felt okay with just knowing a few people.
She also wondered if I saw myself with a girlfriend. At this point I'd portrayed myself as an asexual, stating that I felt nothing for boys or girls, and that is what I told her now.
Then she recommended that I start looking into volunteer work, both so that I can gain more credibility in a resume for employment and so I can meet new people and perhaps find new friends. This, I took as a huge ploy for me to find a girlfriend, because, again, she's been paying closer attention to my social life and comparing it to my brother, who's always gone out with friends and never there with the family. But I told her what she was saying was reasonable and that I'd be okay to volunteer for something.
And then she started talking about how the pendulum had started to turn the other way. In primary school I was so friendly and eager to please whoever I met, was outgoing and showed my feelings clearly, but now I seemed less empathetic and mistrustful of others, even though nothing bad had really happened to me. I agreed that I too had noticed this and, while I didn't show how I felt as much as I used to, I still felt things deeply. But as she pressured and pressured this into why I never had a girlfriend I began to see an opportunity: she was sounding so earnest and heartfelt that it may have been the perfect moment to tell her. And so I said, "Okay, fuck it. Mum, I'm a zoophile."
Hindsight is a powerful thing.
"A... what?"
"A zoophile."
I told her that I felt an emotional and physical attraction to nonhuman animals without specifying which species, and without actively saying that I can find them arousing, which is another thing I'm glad of in hindsight.
She was very shocked and confused, and as I explained her shock and confusion only grew deeper. She wondered if I was talking about furries, then suggested that I was projecting my feelings onto animals because maybe I'd been rejected by one too many girls, but I rejected everything and told her that I was who I was, but I had no intention of actually "doing the act".
This confused her most of all, and I think it was both the nail in the coffin and my saving grace. See, I'd told her that I realised that I was a zoosexual at 15, and she reasoned that because I was having an emotional low that year I was transferring my feelings onto other animals, and since I had said I had no intention of actually having sex with one, she was convinced that I was mislabelling myself and that I was searching for identity without realising its meaning. And when she argued that "animals are not rational beings" and that "you can never have a whole relationship with an animal", I knew I was at a crossroads: if I argued against her, there was no going back and I'd have to say that I found some to be arousing. Since she clearly stated that if I have sexual feelings for them then there was something wrong with me, I gave in. I faked an emotional breakdown and conceded defeat - I was searching for identity where I felt I had none.
So now I know. I know she can't be reasoned with unless I want my regular life to come crashing down, but I also know I don't love her less because of our differences. Still, I've opened up to her, and I know there is no turning back from the consequences.
I'm not sure if I handled this well, so I'm just posting this to share my story.
Also I want to clear some things up:
I am confident that I am a zoo
I can reason for almost any argument against zoophilia
Although I have no intention of "doing the act", I am certain I am sexually attracted to nonhuman animals
Well, it's out in the open now, at least somewhat.
All I can say is this: Sometimes someone will have an initial negative reaction, but given more time to think about it, will tend to become more accepting. For certain minorities, simply knowing a person in that group will cause a shift over time to more tolerant attitudes. That's how it is for homosexuality, so it might be the same for zoophilia as well.
True, but as I pressed the issue she grew more and more defensive.
She told me that saying "zoophile" puts me in with "pedophile", not because she thinks nonhuman animals are children (though she was suggesting that strongly), but because using the suffix -phile makes me sound like a sick sexual deviant. In response I made the point that not a few decades ago homosexuality was considered a bad sexual deviation too, and I corrected myself by saying I was zoosexual (since you don't call a homosexual a homophile).
She's not going to let up. The idea is too offensive for her to even consider, and now I've "admitted" to being lost for identity I've lost any credibility in this area. So I can't change her mind, and I don't think she will any time soon, if ever.
I'm sorry it didnt turn out better, but it could've turned out a lot worse, at least you've broken the ice now. hopefully she'll come to see how you're still you and nothings really changed with this revelation. What do you think's going to happen now?
Because of a recent death in the family, mum's been taking me to see a psychologist for well over a year now. She said she'll move the next meeting forward.
I was planning to tell this psychologist about me being a zoo in the future, because she seems reasonable enough and because of doctor-patient confidentiality (or at least I think that's how it is) she can't tell anyone else. I was hoping she could see reason and figure out a way with me to tell mum, because my word is less credible than an expert's. But now that's all gone to pot.
To my understanding, psychology majors are taught that zoosexuality/zoophilia is a paraphilia, so there's a distinct possibility that your psychologist may interpret it as just that. The interpretation of zoosexuality as something other than a paraphilia is a woefully rare outlook, even within the ranks that would call themselves experts on the topic. If she thinks your sexuality presents a distinct danger to yourself or a pet, then the confidentiality agreement can and often will go out the window. I'd definitely look into the laws in your state about bestiality before telling a psychologist -- even though you don't plan on doing it. If it's legal in your state, then there's a better chance of that kind of reveal ending not-as-badly.
Personally, I'd avoid saying anything, and I'd deflect, deflect, deflect... but I can't stop you. If you're a minor or a dependent, it's extremely advisable to wait until after moving out before trying to advance the discussion with family. I can't say for certain how she'd act, but your mother was so deeply disturbed by the premise of you being a zoophile that she built a narrative to deny the possibility of it.
For her, zoosexuality is probably pedophilia 2.0... so coming out to her at all is like walking on a minefield for that relationship. That's not to say it's impossible, but it's kind of like trying to explain social democracy to a fundamentalist republican. You have to convince them that your side -- sexuality, in this case, isn't Satan incarnate before they'll even begin giving it fair thought. I'd like to hope that your mother would be reasonable and not think you're mentally disturbed because of this, but there's really no way of knowing in these cases. Her own denial will help you get out and regroup, though. I'd delete your browser history if you peruse that kind of erotica on the internet, too.
Holy shit, that sent shivers down my spine.
It could have gotten a lot worse. At least your mom cares about your wellbeing and her first reaction to your coming out seems to reflect this.
I'd argue to keep this for yourself from now on, but there's no going back now.
I agree. As I've said in another reply, there's no chance I can change her mind anymore, seeing as I've lost all credibility.
You can't reason with someone who feels the idea argued threatens their way of thinking.
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This is similar to what happened to me, only I did not back down and my life was ruined for it.
It's... hard I know, knowing your parents will never accept you for what you really are. But believe me when I say if it's going to go bad, it beats the alternative. I think you may not know this yet, but you handled it well.
Neither of my parents nor my friends really had any sort of an issue with me being zoo to speak of. I wonder why the stark difference.
Because everyone is raised in different circumstances and experience different situations. Everyone values something more than someone else values it. Just because you are someone's relative or friend does not mean they will automatically overlook any difference in you. And these differences, be they physical, psychological or political, can make or break relationships.
I think I handled it well too. But handling it well and faking an emotional breakdown doesn't stop you from finding out your mother has recently downloaded a .pdf on the sexual behaviour of autistic children...
It's really comforting to know that anything "odd" with me is blamed on the autism. Really comforting.
I was (I believe falsely) diagnosed with Autism (technically at the time, Asperger's) around the same time. So I can relate. It's not easy. But it is what it is.
All you can do now is wait for some years. Maybe time will change her mind.
I've no relation with my parents since my coming-out.
But I live it well, because they are a kind a fucking ignorant bastards.
As years pass on, they look for see me again.
Thank you for sharing this. It could have gone worse, and maybe this will at least stop her nagging about girlfriends. Also, when confronted with new and shocking information, people react differently. Some will try to joke about it, and some will become confused and defensive. With time, it might sink in.
I don't blame you for trying to soften it by saying those things you did.
I said I faked a breakdown and pretended to let her win. In her mind I am a confused heterosexual who needs counseling.
If you win in an argument about something that offends you, you'd disregard anything the opposition has said as being credible. None of what I said will sink in, and when I say that I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic.
Seems as you took a giant leap here... I know these uncomfortable conversations and depending on my experiences with various family members and friends , you did fairly well. At least you´re not expelled from the house and disowned...;) Well, I think you chose the partially wrong approach by frankly telling her you´re a zoophile. I always choose the emotional approach and try to get across my feelings properly and intentionally avoid any unknown and specific terms. By frankly telling the z-word, you gave your mother quite a big chunk to chew on. Every time I came out to someone, I realised how weak and ineffective words are to get across what I´m about. So I always offered to pay my mare a visit right after the "revelation" was made. I´ve noticed that anything you can say is tremenduously boosted in plausibility if you teach them by showing. Even those very sceptical friends were okay with me being a zoophile when they have seen the closeness and mutual love my mare and I had. Humans tend to only believe what they see with their own eyes; it also makes agrumentation easier and more plausible if you can show an actual example for your theses.
Sadly, you just sucked out on the debate when the interesting part began. I would´ve countered her "animals are no rational beings" with the reply that humans aren´t rational at all, too. There are some TV documentaries out there that prove your mother´s agrument wrong, by the way. rational, logical thinking can be seen in several nonhuman species as well as in sombunall (some, but not all) humans. The second one "you can never have a whole relationship with an animal" could easily be countered by asking what a "whole relationship" really is and if this includes mankind´s common practice of domestic violence, alienation and divorce, partnerships based on mutual hate etc....
I don´t hope that faking something becomes a common practice for coming out situations; I prefer full honesty because almost anyone can tell the difference between real and faked emotional breakdowns, at least subconsciously. Such stuff makes all your confessions less believable and fishy. Being completely honest is what often gains the reward of openness.
To sum it up: you did a good job, even if your mother turned you down by saying you´re searching for identity. I don´t share your pessimism as negative replies to a zoo´s coming out usually are handed out immediately. Not outright condemning you is a good starting point. Remember: for the most people, zoophilia is something very bizarre and absurd. It equals opening a door in your own house and finding a nude Mr Spock with a pink giant strap on tied to his forehead in the room behind,walking around in stilettos and lingerie, chanting the Malaysian national anthem.
Don´t hold it against me, but I have one thing to ask: Why in hell do you come out to your mother when you´re not at all interested in the only part in zoophilia that´s really challenging the normals, the sex part? I really can´t wrap my head around it, it leaves me kinda speechless. Why would someone undergo all this without acting out the one thing that all the disgust and hostility is targeting? Pardon me, but I have a hard time trying to understand this.
You're misunderstanding or I didn't make it clear enough.
Though I am sexually attracted, I do in truth have no intention to have sex with another animal, just as many other people may not intend to lose their virginity ASAP. If it happens, it happens, but it's in no way a priority. This was what I was trying to tell mum by saying "I have no intention of actually doing the act." However, she misunderstood and assumed that I had meant "I am not sexually attracted to them." This made a bail-out easier because she then thought I never said I was full on zoosexual.
Do I make myself clear now?
Yes, now I got it right....;)
Well don't expect any pets in the future XD
But in all seriousness I don't think I could ever admit to anyone in my family that I'm a zoophile.
not that the repercussions would end badly for me I just don't see any reason that they need to know, I'm sure most of them just think I'm asexual.
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Your mom is right. You're a fucking freak.
Normality is subjective, but I like your honesty.
EDIT: Also, this is coming from someone who lacks the empathy to care about some Native Americans in the Navajo because they are...
You're vile
And I love you, random citizen.
Also nice work on your past trolling efforts.
**growls menacingly