submitted 2016-04-03 12:59:59 by WeAreDifferentCanines
zetacola+ Rum 6 points on 2016-04-03 20:16:11
Joke thread? Joke thread.
An elderly woman had a fantasy about marrying a man who'd never been with a woman before. She applied to a rather discreet matchmaking service which gave her the name of an Australian gentleman. They got in touch, hit it off and soon were married. On their wedding night, she walked into the bedroom only to discover that all of the furniture had been moved to the side of the room. When she asked why, her new husband replied "Well, I've never done it with a woman before, but if it's anything like kangaroos then we're gonna need all the space we can get!"
KynophileDog lover 7 points on 2016-04-03 23:57:18
Here's a classic.
Three dogs are sitting in a vet's office: a chihuahua, a pit bull, and a labrador. Naturally, they're nervous about it, so, they start to talk with each other about why they're there.
The chihuahua says, "I kept marking the furniture, and my owner got really mad about it. So, she brought me here to get fixed."
The pit bull says, "That's nothing. I was playing with my master's kid, and nipped him a little too hard by accident. He started crying, and my owner brought me here to get fixed."
The labrador says, "That's nothing. My owner got naked in the bathroom and bent over to pick something up. So, I mounted her and knotted with her. It was hard to stay on, though, and I think I scratched her with my nails."
The other two are shocked. So the pit bull says to him, "That's a shame. She must be getting you fixed, just like us."
The labrador wags his tail, as he replies, "Nope, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!"
Swibblestein 4 points on 2016-04-04 08:58:51
A team of biologists at Cape Horn were researching a nearly extinct species of white gorilla - just one breeding pair - when tragedy struck - the male gorilla died. It looked like the end of the species, but one of the scientists had an idea.
"It's a long-shot, but it may be possible to save the species if we can get a human to sleep with the remaining female gorilla. There is a chance of genetic comparability"
The rest of the scientists conceded that it was possible, though every single one refused to be the one to sleep with her. However, the first scientist had another idea.
"The sailors down by the cape will sleep with anything. I bet if we offered some money, we could get a taker."
In agreement, the scientists put a poster up at a dirty bar the sailors often frequented: "Looking for sailor to sleep with Kiki the White Gorilla", and under that, "$500".
In about a week, a man appeared at the lab, clearly nervous about being seen.
"I'll do this, but I have three conditions. First, no one can ever know about this. Second, I won't give you my real name. And third, you have to give me a week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
AXwoofExclusive 2 points on 2016-04-15 20:37:07
A guy comes home from work feeling bad about the day's activities. He lays down on the couch and ponders his actions. Like most of us, his conscience has two voices; that of his good moral side and that of his mischievous side. While staring at the ceiling, a voice in his head says "don't worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients." The man tosses and turns in reflection of his actions. Again the voice says "don't worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients." Feeling somewhat relieved, the man begins to relax and feel better about himself at which time another voice in his head says, "but you're a veterinarian."
/r/zoophilia archive
Joke thread? Joke thread.
An elderly woman had a fantasy about marrying a man who'd never been with a woman before. She applied to a rather discreet matchmaking service which gave her the name of an Australian gentleman. They got in touch, hit it off and soon were married. On their wedding night, she walked into the bedroom only to discover that all of the furniture had been moved to the side of the room. When she asked why, her new husband replied "Well, I've never done it with a woman before, but if it's anything like kangaroos then we're gonna need all the space we can get!"
Here's a classic.
Three dogs are sitting in a vet's office: a chihuahua, a pit bull, and a labrador. Naturally, they're nervous about it, so, they start to talk with each other about why they're there.
The chihuahua says, "I kept marking the furniture, and my owner got really mad about it. So, she brought me here to get fixed."
The pit bull says, "That's nothing. I was playing with my master's kid, and nipped him a little too hard by accident. He started crying, and my owner brought me here to get fixed."
The labrador says, "That's nothing. My owner got naked in the bathroom and bent over to pick something up. So, I mounted her and knotted with her. It was hard to stay on, though, and I think I scratched her with my nails."
The other two are shocked. So the pit bull says to him, "That's a shame. She must be getting you fixed, just like us."
The labrador wags his tail, as he replies, "Nope, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed!"
A team of biologists at Cape Horn were researching a nearly extinct species of white gorilla - just one breeding pair - when tragedy struck - the male gorilla died. It looked like the end of the species, but one of the scientists had an idea.
"It's a long-shot, but it may be possible to save the species if we can get a human to sleep with the remaining female gorilla. There is a chance of genetic comparability"
The rest of the scientists conceded that it was possible, though every single one refused to be the one to sleep with her. However, the first scientist had another idea.
"The sailors down by the cape will sleep with anything. I bet if we offered some money, we could get a taker."
In agreement, the scientists put a poster up at a dirty bar the sailors often frequented: "Looking for sailor to sleep with Kiki the White Gorilla", and under that, "$500".
In about a week, a man appeared at the lab, clearly nervous about being seen.
"I'll do this, but I have three conditions. First, no one can ever know about this. Second, I won't give you my real name. And third, you have to give me a week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
A guy comes home from work feeling bad about the day's activities. He lays down on the couch and ponders his actions. Like most of us, his conscience has two voices; that of his good moral side and that of his mischievous side. While staring at the ceiling, a voice in his head says "don't worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients." The man tosses and turns in reflection of his actions. Again the voice says "don't worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients." Feeling somewhat relieved, the man begins to relax and feel better about himself at which time another voice in his head says, "but you're a veterinarian."