Ever since my mother found out about my zoophilia I've been in a constant state of worry that she is reminded of it whenever she thinks of me, especially when anything horse related comes up. It's embarrassing to even think that my mother knows this kind of thing about me, and I can't even say the word "horse" around her without feeling uncomfortable. I feel like I can't even have a dog without her thinking I'm doing things to it. I love animals and I would never force one to do something it didn't want to, and I absolutely HATE people who abuse animals as sex toys and treat them like they can't think or feel or are just stupid. They give good, sane people who actually care about an animals well being an unfair closed-minded stigma. I'm just ranting at this point so I'll just stop it here. Is it normal to always feel this way? Or am I just letting it get to my head? Apologies if this came off as confusing or ranty, this is my first post ever on Reddit.
/r/zoophilia archive
it's normal to feel this way at first, unfortunately. it can be very difficult. in time, it will get better. i don't know how close you are to being able to move out from your parents' place, but that will also improve things, of course.
best of luck to you. you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders about zoophilia in general. welcome to the subreddit.
It shouldn't be too long before I'm able to move out, though I learned I don't really know a lot about myself so I need to do a bit of soul searching. But nonetheless I'm happy to be who I am and I'm very optimistic about my future. Thanks for your comment.
I feel for you. Anxiety is never a good thing. I know nothing of your situation, your family, the laws you face. The only thing I can suggest is to avoid caffeine and get plenty of exercise, because caffeine turns into adrenaline (which boosts anxiety) and exercise reduces adrenaline and other stress hormones.
Sadly, you are not alone in feeling anxiety about zoophilia and who knows about it. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's harder to live with.
If this fear and embarrasment makes your life difficult and you can't handle it yourself, you may want to try a therapist. But in that case, pick a very reliable one. Confidentiality is important, and in my experience, the more educated ones (such as psychologists and psychiatrists) are better at handling this issue than other therapists (counsellors, for instance).
Remember, the problem is not that you are zoophile. Love is a beautiful thing, and you are not hurting anyone. The problem is a society that conflates loving animals romantically-sexually with animal abuse.
And avoid psychotherapists at all cost. They are educated to rely on psycho-medication, which would be bullshit in your case.
Not having known the difference between these, I've made this mistake before.
To further clarify, no doctor can fix the root of the issue - there is no known way to "correct" a sexual orientation, and no one can correct all of society - so you need to determine what results you want.
Psychiatrists are there to treat mental disorders, usually via drugs. The best you can do in this camp is to get an antidepressant or anti-anxiety drug that may help you focus on other aspects of life (at the likely risk of physiological side effects).
Psychologists - which most "psychotherapists" are - will attempt to re-train your behavior or thinking patterns so you can move on without taking things negatively or too personally, for example.
Not to add to the stress, personally I would be very careful about working with any type of mental health professional, but it has helped some people.
I was depressed and was helped by a psychologist and psychiatrist. I spoke mostly with the physchologist, not just about zoophilia, but I mentioned it. He understood how a zoophile can feel vulnerable and anxious, and that there is no curing a sexual attraction, there is only managing it. He understood that the problem is me taking critique too personally, that I want to 'save the world', but it's too much for one person. I also got anti-depressants, and they really helped. Made me able to function normally.
It's also possible to bring up a problem with therapists without going into detail. Saying "my mother read about some embarrassing sexual fantasies I had written down in a notebook, and now I'm feeling anxious" could be enough, you don't have to detail what kind of fantasy it was.
But, I would read up on what the regulations about patient-doctor confidentiality is where you live before disclosing about zoophilia. Back when I was in therapy, bestiality was technically legal in Sweden. Nowadays, it no longer is. So even though I don't have an animal lover, I still avoid bringing it up in case someone thinks I'm at risk of "committing a serious crime" (which is where the confidentiality ends in Sweden).
How did your mother "find out" about it? The only two possibilities that come into my mind would be a) catching you watching animal porn/checking your browser history or b) walking in on you while having sex with an animal.
I understand your worries, but don´t you think that your mother would have reacted more hostile immediately if she weren´t somehow tolerant about it? If it´s your only problem that she will be reminded of zoophilia whenever she thinks of you, you rather should be glad that she´s not just outright hostile and calls the cops.
May I ask you how old you are and where do you live? This info would be important to determine the possible danger you´re in as the legal status of having sex with animals plays an important role. In Europe, all but two nations have banned/outlawed sex with animals, in the US, Texas apparently will be the 41st state to outlaw it next year or so. In case you´re a young one, which I presume, I have to remind you of the fact that it´s not uncommon your zoo feelings may only be a temporary phase you will grow out of in a few years.I´ve met many "100% zoos" who lost interest in animals only a few years later.
How long do you feel that way and do you have some actual experience? If horses are your favorites, do you already attend a riding school? Please take notice that you have to become familiar with horse behavior to lead a real relationship with a horse and that being a horse zoophile includes more than just the sex. Keeping a horse is expensive and timeconsuming; it definitely will affect your entire life. Watching MLP bullshit does NOT teach you about horses in the slightest...;)
Regarding your anxieties: well, you only have two choices here...either remaining in this state you´re in or you realize that zoophilia is highly controversial and this won´t change anytime soon, maybe not even in your entire lifetime. If I were you, I wouldn´t care so much about what others think...it´s way more important to place your focus on your own life; if you are convinced that you´re not harming an animal by loving it, then don´t worry about what others say and think. But don´t be careless, zoophilia is, as I said,illegal in most countries and will have consequences when you get caught. Do everything you can to protect your animal from any harm, including possible harm from you when you get too sure about your sexual orientation...put your efforts in constant studying of animal behavior and body language, always keep questioning yourself. Improve.Understand.Live your life. If zoophilia is the path destiny has chosen for you, learn to walk down this path upright, without hesitation, without digressing. Living as a zoo is like playing Texas hold ´em with a 2 and a 7, the worst pair of cards...but you still can win the pot if you use your intelligence and instincts right.It depends on you, and you alone....
Well she actually went through my notebook, which had a lot of "interesting things" in it ;) It's really my fault for being that careless to leave it unguarded and I feel incredibly stupid for even writing down things like that. She did confront me about it the next day to say that she was very unapproving and a little disgusted. She even tried to force me to get therapy, because she thought something was "wrong" with me. I fiercely defended myself telling her that she should of respected my own privacy and blamed hormones, that I never genuinely felt the way I did(Lie). I told her that she should be proud of me for who I am and not judge me on things like that. She seem to have understood that and cancelled our appointment, and agreed to not bring it up again. I guess I should be more grateful for her tolerance of it and that it was her and not someone like her boyfriend or my siblings(oh god).
I'm actually 18 and live in the U.S. I do know some about the laws surrounding it(I didn't know about Texas though). I just want real zoophiles to be left alone as no one is getting harmed physically or emotionally. No doubt it is a very misunderstood world perpetuated by the beliefs of yonder and by the real rapists and abusers(Media seems to love reporting this garbage behavior). But as far as I know not much is going to change about it, unfortunately.
Yes, I'm always questioning if I will feel this way into my adulthood. I was 14 when I started to explore the idea of human/animal relationship and human/animal intercourse. During that I learned a lot about animals and that they are not much different to humans, not to mention a variety of species that I find very attractive ;) I actually do part time work at a family friends stables, and am taking riding lessons there as well. I just feel really comfortable around equines, they are especially beautiful animals. I understand that becoming more familiar with their behavior and there wants and needs is important, as it is one of my reasons to volunteer for such work. I used to watch MLP a few years ago but I seem to have lost interest in it; I do want to reintegrate myself within that fandom though as it was one hell of a ride but like you said it does nothing to teach you about real horses, just some social skills lol.
It's true that I should be focusing on my life and what I really want from it, not what someone else wants from it. Logic and reason will always come first. Thank you for this comment, just writing this cleared things up for me and I do feel better about myself now :)
Just another word of advice: in an insecure environment, don´t let ANY evidence of your sexual interests lie around. If you feel the need to write down something, then make sure you keep it off reach from anyone. It shouldn´t be necessary to remind you what clusterfuck you can find yourselves into when you don´t develop and maintain the right amount of caution at any time. Don´t forget how controversial the whle zoophilia thing still is and how devastating the effects can be for your reputation if things get out of hands. I´d also advise you to leave other people´s horses alone entirely when it comes to sex...even if you think you´re alone and nobody can observe what you´re doing. Once you get caught in the act (any kind of act), you won´t be able to stop the negative consequences that will surely arise . Safety first...that´s how you should approach things as long as you don´t have a horse of your own and some private space you can lock up to assure you´re not walked in by surprise.
It will get more normal. But it will take time.
I told my parents about my feelings when I was 16. I think it took a good 10 years for it to be even remotely normal after that.
I may be an extreme case, but at the start at least, I couldn't bring up the subject of animals at all without conflict.
Just tread carefully at first, and I doubt it'll take you 10 years. As I said, mine was a very extreme case (I tried to defend myself and hold my ground: This is generally not a good idea).
Unfortunately it is pretty typical to feel that way. For most, the survival strategy seems to be a combination of avoiding anyone finding out and developing a thick enough skin to cope if they do. Maybe look to LGBT resources for how they deal with being outed accidentally - of course, without providing too many details if you do!
I often times feel a bit awkward talking my dog with my sister since I came out to her (I was very drunk and made a bad decision to tell her one night). Luckily she is very accepting but it can get a little awkward for me.
Wish you luck! Hopefully things with your mother settle and become less uncomfortable.
How did you mom find out?