Three years ago I realized things were wrong. What I had thought to just be strange sexual fantasies became a lot worse. It was no longer just about being aroused by sex with animals. I wanted to be in love and to be loved back. But not by a human, but by a jaguar.
I didn't take very long for me to understand how terrible things could get. Although back then I still felt like I had hope. Maybe it would go away, maybe I could still find attraction in humans.
Time passed and my desires didn't change, except jaguar became leopards. But that doesn't matter: it's all the same wrong. I felt increasingly lost and out of control. My zoophilia got worst and nothing I tried could satisfy my need to love. I don't know how I've managed to make it this well through all the loneliness and pain of those years. I guess school gave me something to focus on, and allowed me to push back dealing with my problem.
I know it's not going away. But I take care of my body, exercise, and make sure I look good. I'm not going to make it worst on purpose. I tried dating, hopping I could find someone I'd be attracted to. But despite all the matches I got, it didn't work. No one interests me. I can't get myself to care about the women who find me pretty. The only happiness I'd find is in the embrace of a leopard.
And I hate it.
It's the stupidest thing. The one thing keeping me away from a happy live. I have everything else: health, safety, a stable family, education, money, a promising career path. But all of it just doesn't matter. I spend my days somewhere between awfully sad and distracted enough to forget.
It doesn't even make sense. Why the fuck would I want to love something I could never be with?
I can't go on like this forever. This isn't a way to live.
It's affecting my mood and how I treat others. My mother is starting to realize that something is wrong with me; how I can't make friends and never show interest in any of the girls I meet. She probably just thinks I'm gay. Though I could never admit to her that I'm an exclusive zoophile. It would just make things worst. My family is all I have for a social life, and I really don't want to risk ruining it.
I try to pretend I can continue without this love. That I don't need it. That I'm being silly. That my problem isn't a real one. I live like everything is just fine, and that I don't cry when I'm all alone at home.
To me everything from now on just looks bleak. I don't know what to do.
I never knew what to do.
i know how you feel to an extent and i don't know what to tell you. zoo exclusives who are attracted primarily (or worse, exclusively) to large predators or other exotic/wild non-humans are indeed very likely to be sad and lonely. my primary attraction long ago was to tigers, which has shifted to bears. fortunately, i'm also attracted to dogs, but before i was able to get a dog of my own, it was a fairly lonely road.
all i can offer is to talk to you about it here or in a PM if you would rather not discuss things publicly.
This is a rather bleak process zoophiles go through' not only those that are into exotic animals. A animal can never give you love in a way you desire. It is hard I know but you mustn't stay alone. There are women out there who sympathise with you. Maybe look amongst furries to find someone, it can't be worse than staying lonely. I really don't want to sound rude, but what I say now is meant sincere: The love you are looking for is not real. It's just a image you have, it's not much different from falling in love with a woman solely because of impressions you had that don't reflect the person (like in an online romance). Only way to get over it is to find someone you like and maybe ultimately love.
I am not certain that I agree with you here, it depends on what one expects from the relationship, does it not? I have been in a few zoophilic relationships over the past 20 years (I mean being in love with, not just sex) and I am satisfied with the love I receive from my partner and have not desired seeking love anywhere else. I can see some may not be satisfied with it, but that has no impact on whether I do or another can.
I suspect many will not agree with you on this point, but I do. It isn't uncommon, especially when we're young, to get hungup on an ideal and to focus on it so much that we overlook opportunities for love in other places. Perhaps that doesn't apply to everyone, but it resonates with my experience. I think we sometimes romanticize ourselves into a corner.
I don't think I entirely agree with this bit though, it may work for some, but I do not think it is the "only way".
I certainly can't speak for everyone and I didn't intent to do so. However, a animal cannot love you like a human can as in you won't ever get a sense of intellectual satisfaction from a animal. And I (personally) think we as human beings have a elemental desire to be with someone who can fulfill us wholly. Believe me, I'm not trying to be offensive here.
Thank you for agreeing with me. According to my observations people, as you put it especially young people who discovered this part of themselves, have a highly romanticized/idealized image of what a zoophilic relationship would be. It is my firm believe that humans and animals can never be equal partners (see above for clarification) and as such hanging onto a certain image that can not be fulfilled even if the animal in question would be accessible is the source for a lot of emotional pain.
This may be. In my opinion it is the only advice I could give the person creating this thread though, as they face a kind of emotional hole that cannot be filled even if they could approach a wild animal like that.
While I agree that the level of intellectual exchange between a human and a non-human is going to be quite limited, I don't find it to be necessary. I have close friends with whom I have intellectual discussions. My interractions with my non-human partners involves doing things we both enjoy; long walks, exploring new places, playing games together, just because she is not my intellectual equal doesn't mean we cannot enjoy numerous activities and share one-another's company. Some may not be fulfilled by this, but in 20+ years I've been quite happy, more than I ever was when still trying to make human relationships work.
No offense taken and I believe none was intended.
I think that's very common for all, not just zoophiles, not that I believe you intended it that way, just clarifying. I think it can exacerbate problems in relationships when individual expectations and reality don't match, no matter what the love interest is.
Again, it depends on the individuals and expectations. I don't expect a dog to have a philosophical discussion with me, but that isn't something I ask of them. I expect from a dog what a dog is capable of, which I believe is a lot more than most people will give them credit for.
I think I understood your position and why you said it; I don't entirely disagree as it's fair advice. This is not an easy lifestyle, it comes with an enormous number of challenges. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Not if it's a leopard, those things will just kill and eat you if you try to live with them.
Well, funny you say that as I know of someone who had lived with a leopard for many years. Obviously it was not treated like a housecat and I don't think there was any sexual component to the relationship, but my point remains "it depends on what you expect from the relationship". It is possible to be around them and work with them.
This particular leopard was quite friendly and affectionate, but as to your point that they are not domesticated animals, I have no disagreement. Would the OP be satisfied with that? I don't know, but I suspect not as I think you did, but it is possible for some, though it may take an enormous amount of work.
i thought about suggesting this in my response. it is something to consider, at least for friendship, though caution should be used here -- many furries are NOT accepting of zoophilia, so one should be guarded about that info.
sadly, i have to admit there's a lot of truth to this. and you're right, it's not just those who are attracted to wild animals, because before i had a dog of my own, i had a much different picture of how life would be vs. how it is now (it's still wonderful in it's own way, just not what i expected).
if you're suggesting a human here, i would disagree; i don't think it's "the only way".
i must say, though, that finding a good human friend can go a long way towards achieving happiness. it doesn't quell the yearning, but at least gives you something else positive to focus on. it's helped me a lot having a roommate. love in all it's forms from the animals; companionship of a more intellectual nature from the roommate.
This is true and such a information should certainly not be on anyones "badge". However, I think Furries might understand the kind of emotional/ideal sense the original poster yearns for and they might be able to find someone sharing more personality traits with them than meeting someone in a bar.
Thank you for agreeing. This is what I mean, it's dangerous to fall into the trap of yearning for a idealized image that doesn't reflect reality.
As I replied to the other poster, it may not be the only way, true. But for me it is the only advice I could give with a clean conscience. Human characters are highly different, but I think that everyone of us yearns for intellectual companionship just as much, and a zoophilic relationship cannot give that. As you put it, a good friend can go a long way towards achieving happiness, in whatever way one might find the latter.
I don't think I have an unrealistic expectation of love. I'm not really picky when it comes to physical appearance or personality. I just can't get anywhere with my relationships. Eventually the other person loses interest because I can't get myself to care about them. Honestly, I just want some company.
I never expect to have an animal partner and neither would I expect it to work out that well. That's why I started dating in the first place. I know have to look somewhere else and give it a chance.
I've considered trying to participate in the furry community. I have done so a bit in the past. But it's just not my sort of thing.
Love isn't rational. People don't choose to be straight, or (despite some insistence from christian groups) choose to be gay, so much is the same for the various flavours of zoophilia. People can try to be something they're not, but it doesn't really change how they are and it only ensures they'll never be happy