Found this while cleaning my son's room. I'm upset and worried for him. (self.zoophilia)
submitted 2016-10-06 07:29:00 by ThrowawayDadofaZoo
Recently, I cleaned my son's room while he was away at college- I was going to paint it. However, I found this in one of his drawers, and it moved me. http://i.imgur.com/pbE4Jtf.jpg
(For anyone that can't read it: Others may have called our love unclean, forbidden, disgusting, illegal, dirty, sick, twisted
I call it pure RIP)
I thought I was moved by the loss of one of my best friends about a month ago, but I never realized how much other people could have had an impact on my son. I thought zoophilia was wrong, but I don't quite know anymore.
That's a sad way to find out about your son. Better than it could've been, of course, and it shows at least that he cared about your dog. And yes, losing our partners so quickly is one of the worst things about being zoo: every lover has too short a time limit.
I won't pretend to know your son or your family. But it's possible he didn't learn this from anyone else, at first. Sometimes teenagers experiment with their pets, and occasionally they fall in love with them. I know that's how I found out about myself.
As for what you do next, it's hard to say. Since he's away at college, you'll probably give him the occasional phone call or skype session to check in and make sure everything's OK. I wouldn't mention it there, because it might embarrass him, and also he may have learned some of the paranoia zoos have as a matter of survival. You can bring up memories of your dog in the conversation, but there's no need to force the issue.
If you want to talk about his love in particular, I would wait until he's safe and in private, maybe at Christmas break. Let him know what you found, and that you love him and want him safe. He may or may not open up to you: that's OK. Even knowing that someone close to him knows about it and doesn't want to call him evil for it will help him deal with his emotions.
Remember to not bring it up until towards the end of the vacation Incase it makes it very awkward for him, even if you try to not make it that way, he might take it that way.
Everyone is different but I'd prefer getting something on the table rather than ignoring the gorilla in the room (which is has its own awkwardness). You don't know how late "too late" is to bring it up, and if you guess wrong it could mean leaving unfinished discussion or hurt feelings to fester until the next time, likely a few months away.
I'm glad you thought to come here instead of condemning him.
Growing up with the love that we feel can be very difficult for many of us. You know your son better than anybody else here could tell you though. You've seen the two of them grow up together, seen their relationship and bond. That's not something we can really assume for you. I think, in seeking understanding, you should talk to your son about what you found. Let him know that you want to understand. I'm sure it might be tense, but in the end he would likely appreciate emotional support on that level.
Of course, if you have any questions you aren't comfortable asking your son, you may ask them here. Being a zoophile is something that many, many of us have turned over in our heads and introspected on for years. There is a phase in acceptance for us, too. Society nowadays teaches us that a lot of things are wrong that, if you sit and think about it, really don't have much base.
I'll be around though, and I'm sure others would like to chime in too. I'm gonna quit my tired morning rambling for now xP.
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Honestly dude, fuck off if you aren't going to say something with a bit of positivity. You coming out of your way to put a berating comment on a post you don't like, not a disagreement or anything, just you bitching, that makes you a troll. You already ride a fine line here. You don't know this guy. There are other people who have come here seeking advice as well, this isn't the first time. And guess what, WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PROVIDE IT FOR PEOPLE. You're psycho dude.
What, he just said it could be fake. For all we know, it could be.
I find it also very hard to believe. Only zoos call themselves zoos.
1.)What is the benefit of being right?
2.) What is the cost of being wrong?
3.) Where did Swibblesteins post pointing exactly that out go?
PS: The term zoo is hardly exclusive to zoophiles. For whatever reason, allies and bigots both seem partial to it. Note however he used only the term "zoophile"
He deleted his post, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, as I suggested he do for others, and so I deleted my own post as well. Trying to be respectful about it.
Oh, Ok. That makes a lot more sense than what I was thinking. Thanks for clarifying...
I actually removed it due to down votes and reports... I don't think outright abuse is acceptable and I don't think my judgement was too harsh.
I don't think downvotes ought to factor in, but sure, if you considered it abusive that's fine. Not disagreeing with your judgement, mind you - I clearly thought he was out of line as well, but hey.
Why not? I apply the same rules to people outside of the zoo community who do perfectly similar things in the comments. I'm all for opposing opinions, which is why I don't otherwise remove his posts, but the level of negativity he has expressed toward someone seeking help with absolutely no evidence of malpractice on their part isn't gonna fly.
I feel like there's a misunderstanding going on here somehow, but I'm not sure where, and if it's on my part.
Okay. Let me ask directly. Someone gets downvoted quite a bit. Would that itself be a determining factor in whether or not a post gets removed, and if so, why?
It seems to me that you ought to be able to determine whether or not a post is in violation of the rules regardless of how people are voting on it.
No you're right, it certainly wasn't the only determining factor. I stated my other factors in reply to both him and to you. If he wasn't being downvoted/reported though, I would not have removed it. I would have looked again and thought maybe I was misinterpereting something. There's also many of his posts that have been downvoted significantly that I have not removed because he is providing an opinion and contributing to discussion. He was not here, and I thought I was clear in expressing that.
I... didn't ask if it was the only determining factor. Just if it was actually one of the determining factors, rather than an incidental factor, which, it does seem to be that you're saying that it was. So I suppose you incidentally answered my question. Heh.
Which I disagree with, but not enough that I care to argue the point or put much effort into it.
It is only a determining factor subordinate to whether I thought it was wrong, or whether it was reported. If I didn't think what he said was wrong it would not have been a factor. I'm not sure what conclusion you're trying to draw to, lol. I'm not a totalitarian leader, I am just a member of the community who assists in keeping balance and positive culture.
1) I don't know, you tell me. What is the benefit of trusting someone who is playing you for a fool?
2) None, as far as I'm concerned. People tend to make up their mind on the practice of animal fucking rather arbitrarily, and I sincerely doubt a bunch of animals fuckers online are going to have much impact on that.
Not in his username.
I will only be able to say that my and your experiences differ drastically, and I've had both kinds: good and awful. There are some people who try to "look both ways" before crossing this moral street. It's not unheard of.
This one strikes me as sincere (the drawing isn't something I could picture just anyone doing), but maybe I'm gullible. However, I do know that he's much better off getting advice from here than from the common us medical doctor. At least from my experience.
PS: I missed the username, but as I mentioned, it's really irrelevant if he's an ally. Though even I'll admit it's weird to see someone new to zoo issues using that term... but I am unwilling to risk the negative consequences of questioning him personally. It's too bad that cat is already out of the bag. Still, I will grant him the benefit of the doubt. The good that can be done here outweighs any potential bad. That was my point. You seem to have gotten the "right/wrong" inverted BTW. "Right" as in "right that he's lying."
And what do you know of my experiences?
Well, not to me. What are the odds of a college aged student just drawing a picture making it obvious that he had an "unnatural" attachement to his pet dog, let the picture laying around randomly in his room, his father finding the picture and deciding to recite his concerns in an incredibly obscure forum on reddit, of all places? Unless the kid wanted to be found out and the dad is just absurdly liberal, I don't really buy it.
*If 30-30 is right that he's lying, people here are being manipulated. If he is wrong and this thing is sincere, then I really don't see what the problem is with being cautious. I'm not sure what I got inverted here.
I didn't say anything about your experiences? I did however infer from your statements that you seem to think people are very judgemental about zoophilia. I have not seen that with all people.
I don't know, a lot of people post on reddit for advice these days. As for the kid drawing it, teens are stupid, so it's more likely than you may think. The thing that sparked my discussion was a poem + photograph under the bed in a messy bedroom, so I don't think that's so unusual either... but this could be my bias showing.
Regardless...
The problem with being cautious is you potentially drive away a dad seeking help from a good source to one of societies less than helpful sources.
That's all I can add really. I'm not picking on anyone per say and certainly not you, just explaining my point of view.
You said that our experiences differ drastically, and that you've had both good and bad. I have no doubt this is the case, but on what do you base that statement?
People are very judgmental. Welcome to the real world.
You do realize the post directly under this one concerns itself with dog pussy, right? I'm not too sure of the "goodness" of the impact someone who hasn't made up their mind about zoophilia will have when confronted with what the community for what it really is.
Why are you so cocksure your ways are right and society other "sources" (trained professionals?) are wrong? As I understand it, you don't even have any sexual experience. I'm not trying to be mean here, I don't really have much under the belt myself. But my point is, I'm curious as to what you use to come to your moral conclusions. Maybe you are wrong and in fact doing much more harm than good by preventing this kid from being steered away from that attraction.
It's also filtered as NSFW, fairly. And it's not exclusively about dog pussy either.
I disagree with that assertion, at least when applied globally. There are people who do not follow this "norm."
by other sources I meant the prevailing attitude that this is a sickness. But regardless, even trained professionals are not infallible. My current level of dysfunction is a result of a trained professional treating me.
Additionally, no, he was being accusatory and aggressive, not just pointing out that it could be fake.
He's always accusatory and aggressive, you have to read between the lines ;)
Oh,, someone actually reading what I write....fine.
If he's coming to terms with the fact that zoos are not evil, then yes, perhaps.
You are again, as stated, risking more than you gain by assuming otherwise.
Again I will state you seem very detached from the outcome of your actions with posts like this. I suggest as kindly as I can you think before you post before you actually hurt someone.
To the OP: I will make a response, but it will take a moment. I have... emotional issues with responses such as this, as my coming out to my parents did not go well. I wish to help but bear that in mind.
That's really sad.
You should talk about it in private with him sometime.
It feels incredibly good to be supported instead of being insulted or threatened.
Especially with you being his parent.
Hopefully it doesn't sound too rude, but, out of pure curiosity...
What made you change your mind about zoophillia actually?
I originally thought you were all sick people, but I know my son and I know that he's the pure opposite of sick.
Yeah, I'll talk it though with him at some point. I don't think my wife would be too pleased, so I'll keep this between us for now.
In the summer of 2001, I fell in love with a whitetail doe in a deer park in Northern Idaho.
I stayed there roughly a month, it was the best time of my life. I was happy like I never had been. I cannot describe that time, that feeling, as anything but love. It was absolutely birectional, and absolutely not abusive in any form (we did not even have intercourse, though I won't say there was not contact).
I promised her when I left I would be back next year, a promise that seemed likely able to be kept as my family enjoyed the visit and I was likely to tag along next year being a highschool aged teenager. Yes, I know she can't understand me, but to me, that promise MEANT something.
It was a promise that would be broken.
I told my parents about my feelings. This resulted in an overwhelmingly negative reaction. They took me to doctors, they medicated me beyond recognition... I... I can't even really go outdoors anymore. I'm agoraphobic and a general mess courtesy the permanent damage done from trying to medically "cure" my zoophilia. But I don't just blame the pills. I blame that promise. That one I made. That one I failed to keep. Not just for one year, but FOREVER. She is now dead, and I NEVER got to see her again. I failed.
That tears me up inside something fierce. Some nights I still cry over it, almost 10 years later. I just feel so alone. I used to tell myself at night "We still sleep under the same sky, at least" but now knowing she has passed the age of survivability for any whitetail adult from that point, I can't even say that anymore.
It was absolutely fucking traumatizing, and for none of the right reasons.
This is something I don't like to write. Truth be told it comes across more as a negative lesson of what not to do than what to do. But I hope it helps you all the same.
I feel the best thing you could do for your son is talk to him and tell him that as long as he doesn't hurt anything, you'll love him all the same. Be there for him. Guide him. Don't hurt him. If he loves an animal, and you've taught him what love really is, he'll know what the rules are and follow the same.
Good luck.
Your story broke my heart. I'm so sorry.
I had trouble reading this... I'm at a loss of words for how to respond other than I'm truly upset for you. I can guarantee it'll never get to that stage, I won't let it happen.
Thank you. It gives me some comfort knowing my pain can do some good, so it was not in vain.
I wish you nothing but happiness and a good, happy future for you and your family.
-hugs-
Live and let live, ill believe your word when you say hes a good person. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world just to let it rest no ? If you really feel the need to talk to him about it just be sure to try and understand it's not really something we chose it can't be fixed only suppressed.
Also you never know maybe he even left it there for you to find.
Thank you for all the support. Today I received a phone call from my son. He told me that he saw this thread on reddit. (I suppose he lurks this sub).
First he asked me why I came on here to ask what to do when I could have just phoned him up and told him everything was fine. I told him it was because I was scared to talk to him.
I told him all my feelings and I'm so glad that he's happy, told him that I wish him the best and to stay out of trouble.
He's embarrassed for leaving behind the picture, something he planned to take with him for comfort. I'll be giving it to him over Christmas break.
I was a bit iffy about making this post, but I texted him to make sure it was okay.
Again, thank you for all of your support.
I'm glad it's worked out well for you. I'd say your an awesome parent, but I'll leave that up to your son. Thank you however for being the open minded exception to the rule. :)
And now? That´s it? Just a little phonecall and everything´s fine? I´ve seen so many different reactions from people confronted with this form of sexual orientation/ behavior, but not once have I seen somebody showing an equally indifferent reaction. "Hey,son...you wanna fuck dogs,right? I don´t mind at all,ya know..."
This sudden redemption is something I don´t buy...."Yeah, I just figured out my son has an emotional-sexual interest in dog..I´ll just go to reddit, read a few chuncks of totally biased advice from a little and comletely obscure community, have all the doubts magically disappear and no further talk, no further questions, no realistic view of my son´s possible future as an outcast because of his sexuality."...yeah,sure.
Anybody not into our little hobby will at least be thoroughly upset and full of questions...I´ve not met a single individual with the OP´s buddhalike, no, zenlike display of indifference yet and heavily doubt such people really exist. It´s a fact that any hint towards zoophilia can and will invoke heavy emotions in the outsider parent...well, basically any outsider.
This entire "copros bovi" case is a little too swiftly and effordlessly resolved...sorry, I still don´t buy a single letter of this. It just doesn´t match with any experience of any zoo in any place in the world. Added to that, I can´t stop wondering how a simple doodle/sketch with a few words leads you straight to "zoophilia", this forum and this subforum. Why not assuming something else, less incriminating first; why is this simple sheet of paper sufficient enough to assume the worst straight away?
This even smells fishier than sitting in a sauna, eating sorestromming....
I believe that you, dear OP, did that little piece of art yourself and threw it in here to see what will happen...am I right? ;)
It is damn hard to believe lol
Could you be a bit more gentle here?
You are asking for a miracle.
:(
I know this is going to shock you, but things do happen that you haven't seen before.
I mean.. Faking the whole thing is a possibility I guess, but why go through all the trouble?
I came out to my whole family and close friends two years ago and everyone was completely okay with it once I had explained it properly. The emotional and the sexual aspect of it.
There were a few questions from everybody, but nobody was upset. With my childhood friends it was like telling them what I ate last night based on their reaction. They listened, but they didn't mind because they know me through and through. Even the one childhood friend who has a GSD himself. A bit more on that later.
Sometimes my friends throw a well-intended joke at me, but it's all good. I can talk about any and all aspects of Zoophilia with my parents, sister or friends and they will help me with it. I came out when I was 20, and I'm 22 now.
I'm generally open about my sexuality if someone asks. I know when it's best to just shut up and tell someone I'm straight or something, there are moments like that sometimes, but not with my family and close friends.
People aren't always all up and arms about this kind of stuff when they have known you for their entire life. They know that I wouldn't hurt a fly. One of my best friends doesn't have the slightest issue (Knowing that I'm a Zoo and even that my preferred dog breed is a GSD) with asking me to take care of his German Shepherd for a week or two if that's necessary.
My point being that not all people are judgmental. Especially if you are close with your family or friends, they will listen. I know I'm lucky and that it's uncommon, but it does happen.
That's not a statement you can make. You don't know everyone's story.
Listen, and typically judge you just as harshly, or even more so since you broke a bigger piece of their heart.
I agree with your point that just because something is rare doesn't mean it can't happen. I also agree with /u/30-30 that the embellishments and style of telling cause me to think this story is not quite 100% what it appears.
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