Hello,
Never posted here but I have lurked for quite some time.
To prefix, I am a zoo that has been in a relationship with a non-zoo boyfriend that doesn't know I love my dog more than most.
The problems that I am having, is that I feel that the zoo aspect of my life is too important to me and I can't be satisfied with my partner unless I think about dogs. The worst part is, is that my partner is not understanding of zoos and wouldn't like the idea of me being in love with my dog. Even after I've tried to warm him up to it, he is not interested/supportive and thinks I am against it too.
I have plans to end the relationship but how would I tell him? We've invested in a home, all of these appliances. We're not married but I know he will want a reason why I can't love him.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Thank you all for the help
Imo you should just make up an excuse because
somemost people just don't understand.I think you might be able to bullshit your way trough, just don't make it obvious.
Don't tell him, under pretty much any circumstances. There's a chance he would use knowledge of your sexuality against you as revenge post-breakup, which has the potential to be disastrous. It's just not worth the risk, especially when you already know he won't react well.
I agree. I did this mistake and I won't do it twice.
Luckily I could blame her statements about me on her insanity.
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With people like you about, you are basically reinforcing his logic.
I am bad when it comes to advice, but love is not a logical thing and there is no point trying to make a logical excuse up.
Just tell him that you don't feel the love you used to in the beginning, or some variation of it. For the sound of it, it sounds like the actual reason for you leaving is that you don't quite feel the spark, so it is not far from the truth.
Its actually quite easy, tell him you no longer have strong feelings for him, and that you don't believe you are compatible as people. It happens pretty often in real life, its not unrealistic. Just be vague, telling him the real truth could have VERY VERY bad consequences.
Its harsh, but in reality, you aren't compatible.
It will be very difficult to just suddenly change your financial and living arrangements. BUT, if he truly cared about you, he would understand and try to make it easy for the both of you.
Im curious why he "thinks you're against it too" (could his attitude therefore be partly due to siding with what he thinks is your opinion?), but maybe that is moot.
I've not been in that situation myself, but you might also look at other stories of people who discover their sexuality is not what they expected when they started a relationship. I agree it's no good to prolong the inevitable, and no good to bring up topics that could be turned against you. We all like happy endings but sometimes it's not that simple.
Only you know your relationship enough to know how to address it best. Maybe the reason is just "you're not happy" or "it's not working out."
There are ways to handle the material side... splitting assets up, having someone buy out the other's portion... or just walking away with the knowledge that you're better off. Anyone ending a relationship will know about that.
I've tried to steer the conversation towards it a couple of times and both times he has been non-receptive so when he asked what I thought, I tried to stay neutral and hint towards it but I can't just say yes without fully understanding where he stands.
I have to agree with the majority here. I'm not a zoo personally but I am zoo friendly and supportive of any partner that I date that is a zoo... With that said, relationships end all the time. You don't need to give 100% of the reason why you're ending the relationship, only that you don't feel like you're compatible for the long term. The more information you offer up the more he'll want to know how he can be what you need. Hurt people often act without thinking of consequence for another person, and letting him know about the zoo lifestyle could do more harm than good.
I agree with most of what everyone here is said. On a future note however, I personally find it easier to talk about this stuff with potential partners before getting into a relationship, because once you get into a relationship, there seems to be this expectation to live up to the other person's standards and it causes a lot of destructive chaos within the relationship if you don't lay all your secrets bare naked out there. I can't have a intimate or meaningful relationship with any human whom I cannot trust with every inch of my being.
" I can't have a intimate or meaningful relationship with any human whom I cannot trust with every inch of my being."
Wow, that is a very strong stance.
I have a lot of trouble trusting people. I might trust them not to have ill intentions towards me, but not trust them not to hurt me by accident. For example, I am sure my father would not willingly use my secrets to hurt me, but he is the kind of person who would casually tell my secrets without realizing to some of his friends. He is the kind of person who would post a selfie of himself and a smuggled nuclear warhead on social media, with the title "This is me smuggling some nukes down to Mexico!" Can you really share anything you want to stay secret with such an individual?
Nobody is perfect here. People have defects that can be dangerous to you and even long time friends and allies need to be watched closely. They say that your current mate will be your ex some day; how much your ex will know is up to you. I think that is a radical way of thinking, but there is a grain of truth to it. Hence, I completely feel I cannot trust anybody with "every inch of my being". If I made it a requisite for any meaningful relation, I would have none.
Keep your enemies within the reach of your gun, and your friends within the reach of your dagger.
And now you know why I don't date humans ;)
I hope you can envision what a post relationship life would look like. This may impact you emotionally as you anchor onto your quote "normal" relationship. As zoo myself, I have accepted my life incorporating zoo but making the break without a balancing compensation may be really hard. Regardless, make the break clean with no zoo referencing.
If he has not responded positively to it in the past, it would be better to not tell him under any circumstance. As others have posted, our love of animals makes it an easy target for rage induced revenge. Also as others have stated, use something else as an excuse. My ex gf and I broke up and she wasn't keen of the zoo thing. I told her I didn't want kids (which I really didn't). She really wanted kids as she did not have any of her own. So we split on that note. We still talk cause she has a dog that we rescued together and I miss Annie (the dog) so much sometimes it hurts.
Thanks for your reply.
It's definitely something I won't tell him about but I almost wish I could so that he could understand why I am the way I am with him
From my own experience with trying to share with a loved one, it's difficult to change someone's mind regarding this once they've got a set mindset. I've found that some people are more fluid than others. My ex gf was polyamourous so naturally, I assumed she'd be more ok with my love of animals. NOPE. When I told her, she flipped shit and then I had to play it off as a joke in bad taste. Once again, I felt trapped. Hence, I found my way here and several discord servers.
I've been in the community for almost 10 years but only in the last year on reddit. I was a zoo before the advent of the internet so just be glad that you can at the very least express you're thoughts and feelings without feeling like you're the only one in the world that feels the way you do.
Sorry I rambled but just know that you're not alone and I hope that you find a human partner that you can share your zoo love with.
Hello,
never posted here but I´ve lurked for quite some time.
To prefix, I´m a gay that has been in a relationship with a heterosexual girl that doesn´t know I´m getting hammered up the a**e every Saturday evening on an Autobahn parking space.
I lead a relationship of deceit; with my secret cheating, I shit on both of my relationships because I want everything and can´t live with choosing one path instead of ripping myself apart from trying to walk two paths at once.
I´m totally unaware that I practically shit on my girlfriend´s feelings pretending a relationship that objectively isn´t there...at least not the relationship I really want...obviously.
So I continue faking my "relationship" with this girl that rather is a friendship. Quite unfair, but the world is about me and my needs only. Instead of growing a pair and choosing one path, I keep searching for an easy solution trying to walk both paths simultaneously. I know, quite obvious, too...I have to end one relationship to literally get myself together again, walking the chosen path upright and with absolute conviction...but the friggin´ thought of missing out on something that´s located on the other path drives me insane....the ego is ahelluvaharddrug...once you had too much, you turn into an instinct driven , braindead rag...;)
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