/u/30-30 posted this comment in response to me. While I often disagree with him, I also often agree.
I think perhaps because we've been around the block a bit and the impossible at 20 years old was accomplished by 30 years old, or at least well under way.
I've come to realise that the "normies" aren't my enemy, rather, you need to participate in the "real" world in order to move your own world forward. I would be nowhere without the help of acquaintances in the horse world and, likewise, I help those I know as well.
I'd like each of you to consider what it is you can do to make yourself a happier zoo. What inspiration can you find to get you closer to where you want to be? What little change can you make that puts your companion closer to the centre of your life? If you lean that way, what bit of activism can you perform that will help a fellow zoo? What is something you can stop doing that will improve your current life and move you forward to the next stage of your life?
I would like everyone to try to keep this thread to positive, forward moving, comments. Not everything is going to work out for you but that is just life.
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I'll be enforcing this expectation. Negativity in this thread will inevitably detract from the discussion and is irrelevant here. No, I won't enforce this in other threads, no I won't do it every time someone asks, but if you decide to be a downer in a thread that specifically asks you for positivity, that's an issue bordering on trolling as far as I'm concerned.
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Attend a free dog agility course. Most local agility groups are trying to encourage more membership and often will offer free "getting started" classes. This applies to many other groups... I've learned about dock diving, nose work, and a bunch of other things I didn't know people did with dogs.
Literally, put $5 in a jar every payday. Label it your companion fund or "for vet bills" or something in that vein. When it is time to search for a companion you can search without worry you'll be able to support them.
Call any local barn, tell them you'd like to get into horses but are a neophyte(noob) and would like to visit and talk to them about options. You DON"T have to spend a dime to do this. You'll find most barns do not fit you anyhow so do it multiple times until you get the right fit! You just might find a barn willing to trade some heavy lifting for a lesson a month.
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I'll be enforcing the expectation of positivity in this thread, so I'm removing this post. It can be said, even, that negativity isn't relevant to the topic of discussion.
Have a lovely day btw. I know it can be hard sometimes, but there's always a silver lining eventually. :)
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I also removed this post per the expectation set up in this thread.
If you'd like to talk to someone in confidence, my door/profile is always open. :)
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No need for the hostility and unfriendliness.
I cannot change what I am, so I am not going to try to change what I am.
Although I have tried fixing other problems which makes certain parts of zoophilia worse, I still have failed to do anything.
I always find something to worry about. Always.
And zoophilia can and will be a part of that.
Sometimes the smallest things make a difference for me.
For example, I sometimes feel no love when around my bitch, but sometimes I do.
Another example, if it's bad weather then there's a big chance I won't be happy, but with good sunny warm weather I'll probably feel very happy.
Let's just hope tomorrow will be a lovely day to spend with her in the warm sun, no?
EDIT: /u/Yearningmice
Your comments were deleted, but I'd still like to say something.
That may be, but I think that zoophilia and positivity don't go well together. So I stated my opinion.
Even though positive answers are expected, I think my comment could be worthwile to the discussion in some way.
But I understand that it must be indeed annoying. So I apologize for that.
I mistook your comment as unfriendly because it was something like: "Sorry that you haven't done anything to change it." which I thought was unnecessary. But I might be mistaken judging by your reaction.
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I am sorry I came across that way, chock it up to text and my poor writing. Hope you have a sunny week.
Ever try a SAD light? Seriously, an hour a day under that thing completely changes the mood of someone I know to the point where I hardly recognize them(in a good way!)
It doesn't matter, it doesn't really bother me.
And thanks, but from the looks of it, probably it won't be sunny the whole week.
I didn't even know what a SAD light was until now, so no.
I don't know how long you have to be under these things, but you said an hour, and that makes me think I can't keep an eye on my girl.
This is what I meant, I always find something to be negative about.
If you ever think I'm too negative, I recommend ignoring me. It actually works best because that way I'm not bothering you and I'll find my own solution. Sometimes the hard way is the best way.
Well, the course of treatment varies, you start out an hour a day for a week, then it says as little as 15 minutes while you drink your morning coffee, tea, milk or whatever. Generally early in the morning.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is definitely a real thing in my books. Having clinical depression myself, I understand just how much our internal mode can affect our external outlook.
Also, if you happen to work shift work, there are other schedules to use the light to counter many of the bad emotional effects of shift work.
Note: a regular florescent light won't work, and a broad spectrum "grow light" will work but will give you sunburns. I think you need something like 15000 LUX at 10-15 inches from your face. Amazon has a bunch of cheap units and Walmart might as well. As for how to use it, put it beside your monitor and you can use it while you type it only has to sorta be in the line of sight.
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Have a wonderful day.
(Yes this is a removal notice, and no this won't be a trend. There's a reasonable expectation set up in this thread and this once I'll enforce it.)
Ehm... thanks.
I'm a bit confused, why were OP's comments deleted?
Shouldn't mine be deleted?
I deleted them myself since most of the content they were referring too was deleted and they were rendered unnecessary. I do just want to stay positive.
Reddit is sneaky about comment removals. The top level comment in this comment thread is removed, but you have a cookie in your browser from reddit that won't let you see that change(They also use it to prevent you from using alts in the event of an account suspension/ban). It's why I give notifications about removals... that, and because it's the right thing to do, of course.
Volunteer at a local horse race, endurance race, horse agility "race", cross country race etc. These guys are always looking for free labour and there is some nice horses to watch as you work! It also serves to make you contacts in the horse world which is a big step to getting your own horse!
For me, honestly, I've become way happier when I stopped caring about the sate of laws and thinking I have to "out" myself to the world, my family or friends.
No I fucking don't. It's no ones business who I love, who I care for, who I have sex with. I don't have to express my love to anyone else, but to the life it's meant for. My dog doesn't care if I write Facebook statuses about her. Hell, if it was a human no one would want to read about anyone's relationship anyway.
My dog is a happy one, for when we are playing fetch together, taking a walk or sleeping our bed. She is happy for being a dog and doing dog things. And I love her for being a simple dog. She isn't concerned about laws, so neither am I.
That's the spirit, avoid thinking about the law and live your life. I can understand that for sure. It has never been legal here and that's okay. I love as I do and I'm going to keep on doing it!
I hope it's not too salty of me to paraphrase this as "ignorance is bliss"?
Perhaps more accurately, don't stare into the abyss.
I think AmoreBestia has the idea.
You shouldn't be ignorant of what is around you, but if it is not changing what you are doing and you are taking appropriate precautions, worrying is a waste of energy.
I read "avoid thinking about the law and live your life" as avoid thinking about the need for precautions, not avoid dwelling on it.
If people were fixating on the negative then perhaps so, but there's a difference between negativity and dissatisfaction. Sometimes people need help "accepting things they cannot change," or they feel disillusioned because others have it better (be it other zoophiles, or be it people who aren't zoophiles at all). I don't think it's necessarily negative to make these observations, or even to think about them analytically.
"My life sucks" or "X will never happen" is negative, and I'm all for avoiding that kind of pattern when it arises. Discussing new laws, loneliness, etc., is not "negative" in my opinion. But I guess this is now getting a bit off-topic. =P
Most of what would make me a happy zoo is actually the sort of thing that makes regular people happy. Things like health and wealth and time to enjoy your hobbies. My sexual tendencies don't play a big role in that, they only mean that I spend more time with four-legged beings than an average person.
I don't much care for the law and I don't have any desire or inner push to "come out of the closet". I simply don't feel the point and I don't feel oppressed since nobody has an issue with me. So far so good.
Hey, is there one specific thing you'd like to point out that makes for a happy zoo? I agree completely with what you said but I was hoping for a more practical outlook.
As I said, I think there is not much of a difference between what makes a happy zoo and what makes a happy normal person. If you like origami, origami will make you happy regardless of your sexual desires.
In broad terms people need things like the fulfillment of their physical needs, social acceptance, and the ability to accomplish their personal goals. A zoophile who has not health and wealth problems, has friends and a supportive family, and can dedicate some time to hobbies he enjoy... that, my friend, is very likely to be a happy person.
You may be interested in Maslow's hierarchy of needs .
Yeah, did university time in the psychology and sociology of deviance so I am familiar with Maslow. I think the key, as you say, is to build yourself support, a life, a network. They don't even have to be friends in many cases.
Realize physical limitations are not a real barrier to equines.
Here is an example of a wheelchair bound women playing with her horses
Heh heh, that's not targetted at someone at all.
<shrug> Not intended to be mean at all. Hopeful mostly.
Yeah, just saying. :p
This doesn't have to do with my companion specifically, but I go to a lot of horse and dog events/shows in my free time and have a great time spending time with animals and learning more about them. That's not a zoo-specific thing but honestly the more time I spend around animals, the happier I am! I'm also looking into livestock shows like goats, cows, swine etc. to learn more about those animals. I'm going to another horse show here in a few weeks, and I'm planning on going to my first cat show this fall! I love learning about different breeds and talking to breeders/owners who work with these animals and know so much about them. I soak up animal knowledge like a sponge lol. I wish we had horse races in my state, I'd love to see one.
I've made lots of friends and connections in the dog community by just going to shows, talking to people, and sharing photos I take of their dogs. Now I know plenty of people involved in my favorite breeds that when the time comes for me to buy a purebred dog, I know breeders who I've already been in touch with for a good while now. Shows and events are a great way to get involved with animal communities, and in my experience folks are always super friendly and easy to talk to since people love talking about their animals. Dog shows actually helped me overcome a big chunk of my social anxiety. For me, even though I can't own any of these animals yet, the more I can learn about them the better prepared I'll be in the future when I'm in the situation where I can. And it just makes me happy meeting all these different animals and people along the way.
As far as my partner goes, I spend most of my day with her and feed her top quality cat food and treats :P I share some of my (cat safe) food with her sometimes, we cuddle a lot, she gets really happy and greets me when I come home, sleeps in my bed every night and I wake up to her there every morning. And so far that's what makes me the happiest :)
You do have "horse races" in your state. If you like I can link you some sanctioning bodies where you can see the calendars.
The rest, like you, I've done in the horse world and it has made a lot of difference in how I approach things. It's that first step to take though. :)
Sure that would be great! The only one I know of is the steeplechase, which I swear I'll make it to one year.
Find a creative hobby to channel your passions. Music, art, games, writing, pretty much anything that lets you express your emotions.
Writing is one such hobby that most people could get into, even though at times it may be difficult to express what you have lurking around in your head
Win the lottery. Easy.
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It took me a while to come up with something here, but I do think it's important to stay sane amidst the many obstacles out there, so I didn't want to just let it go.
I think it's rather well documented that happiness is a state of mind as much or more as it's a cause-and-effect. One person may be furious at being stuck in traffic for an hour, while another may be glad that it gave them an excuse to listen to a new song, or motivated them to get off the freeway and visit a tourist trap.
Therefore, I'd say being openminded in dealing with what life throws at you is a positive thing you can do. Maybe a situation is not ideal, but what can you learn from it and how can that be applied elsewhere?
Of course it should not be taken to extremes ("all those meals in prison will really save on my food expenses!") but I think humans often get a bit short-sighted about their chosen path, and get too concerned if something doesn't go exactly as planned.
So we have a lot of animal specific stuff in this thread, which is great 'cause animals are awesome! What about non-animal stuff? Do you have a bike to tinker with? Does putting your focus into drawing take the edge off?
Myself, I try to walk out into the world, my backyard, every morning and take a deep breath. I feel the weather, -30 or +40, rain or shine and try to just be. At least for a few seconds before Ms. D my pupper wants me to throw the ball again.. hehe.
Before I had a backyard it wasn't as regular but I had a few parks around and when I took the time to visit and just be in the outside I found my day to go much better. It is truly a little thing that makes my life better.
Well... In terms of activism and being a helpful fellow zoo, one thing I could definitely do is be more active on reddit. I do very much enjoy having conversations with fellow zoos, either serious or just for fun, but I do a terrible job of being active on reddit, which basically the only public forum zoo community there is at this point. I guess a few people here know me, but most people dont.