Hi all. Could use some thoughts/advice from the community.
During a recent fight/argument over our sex life, my wife confessed that she has been sexually attracted to dogs since adolescence and is not particularly attracted to men. This was shocking news to me, as we've been together since high school and married over a year. Obviously, we've been sexually intimate, but apparently she's always had to think about a dog to get into it. On the one hand, I am not entirely surprised, since she's always seemed a bit "absent" during sex, which has been relatively sporadic for most of our relationship (and hence the fight that started all this). Yet, I can't say I saw anything like this in the cards and it's been a hurtful discovery to process.
Despite the pain/conflict, I've encouraged my wife to open up to me about her feelings, figuring that we need to talk through and understand this together, not avoid it. At first, she was very tight-lipped and didn't want to say much. But then I started asking her about specific dogs we might see on the street. Does she think he's attractive? What is it about him she likes or doesn't like? Is he the sort of dog she'd want to have sex with? Those sorts of of questions seemed to open her up. I probably learned more than I wanted to, but she's become pretty forthcoming and voluntarily mentions things to me. She showed me a stash of pictures she had hidden away on our computer. Not really porn per say, but photos of big male dogs / genitals. We've even talked about her being with dogs during sex. While it certainly seems to have ignited the passion in her that was always missing and makes me excited at the time, I get hit by deep pangs of jealousy after the fact.
Anyway, the talk has shifted from fantasy to actually doing it. I guess she mistook my excitement talking about it in bed for outright acceptance of her trying it in real life. I would consider telling her right off the bat that I'm not fully comfortable, but she has expressed how hard it has been to repress her desires for so long and has been waiting her whole life for this to happen. She's also made clear that it is as much an emotional desire/attraction as a physical one, and so it's not just pleasure and sex she's after (can a woman fall in love with a dog? stupid question?). That makes me feel both better and worse. At any rate, I don't think I'm ready to "veto" anything until I understand better what this could all mean for her, me, and our relationship.
Can anyone here relate to this situation?
Oh yes. Very much so. Your wife sounds like a zoo to me - it sounds like a big part of her sexual and emotional attraction is connected to dogs, not humans.
Having said that, her being 'in love' with an animal doesn't diminish her love for you. Speaking personally, I have a committed relationship as well as my other zoo-romantic relationships and I greatly appreciate all the things my human partner can give me and share with me that would never be possible with an animal.
I think I would say... don't let yourself be pressured into a situation you aren't comfortable with. Your wife's suppressed this for a long time and it's understandable she wants to dive right in and explore these feelings. But your needs should be taken into consideration as well. It won't destroy your relationship to tell her you need to take things a bit slower, and she should be understanding that you're not entirely comfortable yet.
I'm going to second the suggestion that you both slow way, waaay down.
Talking about this stuff is great, but it sounds like you're not fully onboard with it yet which is totally understandable and fine. You need to keep speaking with her about her feelings towards dogs, her feelings towards you, and how all of this is impacting you. It kind of sounds like you're letting her excitement towards (further) exploring this part of her sexuality keep you from speaking up about how uncomfortable it can make you feel, which is a recipe for disaster.
It's 100% okay and doesn't make you a bad person if this ends up being something you can't compromise on. Let her know if you're starting to feel 'left out' of your sexual/romantic partnership and work on how to fix those issues first. If they end up being insurmountable, rethinking the relationship is almost certainly the best path forward.
Don't get a dog no matter what until you're completely sure about all this stuff. Even then, it's probably best for you to wait a year or so.
People can really fall in love with dogs. I haven't had that type of relationship, but I've met dogs that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter just the same as an attractive human would. Not just sexual attraction, but something else too..
Your situation sounds difficult. Does she love you? Or are you her "heterosexual life partner"?
Things you should know (in no particular order).
It is possible that a dog will be more physically satisfying to her than you are.
It is not only possible to love a dog, sometimes it's hard not to.
The dog is going to die long before you do.
The dog cannot run errands, buy gifts, do chores, or earn money.
The dog will not bring home anything worse than fleas.
The dog may become jealous of you but only if you let him.
She is not going to change. Trying to can lead to major disaster.
I wish you both the best of luck. The more time you spend reading around here and similar places, the better you will understand us and her. If there is anything you want to know but hesitate to ask in public, PM me.
Great advice.!
I am so proud of you for taking the difficult (and possibly scary) step of reaching out to others for experience and advice, which I think reflects highly of your strengths as a person and husband ❤️
For me, I identify as a zoo who has emotional, romantic, and sexual attractions to non-human animals, specifically dogs. This has been the case since adolescence, and my first soulmate and partner was a dog. I am not zoo exclusive, as I do occasionally have physical attractions to humans, but just as with dogs, that is only preceded by romance and emotional attachment (I'm a soft and squishy romantic :P).
I have a human partner who is not a zoo. He provides me with daily companionship, a friend that helps with bills and chores, and support through the easy and difficult times in life. He is not an intimate person, and isn't comfortable with cuddling. But that's ok. I love him, and he loves me. My canine soulmate is my mate for physical touch, kisses, cuddles, and sexual intimacy. My partner and I have almost no sex, and I have some close friends that help meet my occasional human physical needs (as they enjoy touches and kisses).
This balance took time and communication. He says "I don't understand it, it's a little weird, but I know how important it is to you." He was actually the one who said "We need to get you a boyfriend. Let's go look at dogs".
I think you are on the right track, and like others have said, communication and honoring of your thoughts and needs would probably be helpful. Has it been easy on us? Absolutely not. Is there always room for growth? Of course! That's why I feel in my heart that zoo and non-zoo relationships all are quite similar. Working together with those you love to live life to the fullest ❤️
Feel free to PM with any question, concerns, or even just an ear to vent to. I can't begin to imagine the way you are feeling.
This is probably one of the most wholesome posts I've ever seen in this subreddit. Thank you.
i don't know if it would help, but there are "cock sheaths" a man can use that fit over their penis and are shaped like other animals' penises (i assume there's only dog and horse, but i don't really know). might be something to try.
First off, sometimes I seem to come across as an asshole. I'm not trying to be negative at all, I just prefer to be brief and to the point, sometimes that doesn't get picked up.
I sympathize with your plight, it's not an enviable position. Others have addressed most of your points excellently so I'm going to focus on tidbits where I think I can add something.
I can understand this and it's perfectly normal.Try to keep in mind that sex and love aren't entirely related. She can desire something else and still love you more than anything else. At the end of the day, it's who she choses to spend the remaining 98% of her life with that matters most. Given, it's a big deal inside our own heads, but when you get down to it does having her all to yourself matter that much? Speaking hypothetically, if she were intimate with a dog, another man, or some inanimate object would that change her or just how you think of her?
I'm not suggesting you just accept it and go with it, you may not be able to do that, I don't know.
I wish you both the best of luck working out the best solution that makes everyone happy.
Edit: The comments about slowing down are solid advice, it's very hard to unbreak feelings and emotions.
Ok let me see, I'll just share my experience; I have had several guys hitting on me several times, and I have just don't feel interested, so to answer,
can a woman fall in love with a dog?oh yes, oh yes... :|However that doesn't mean she can't be poly-amorous, there are just different perks and having a human partner is really really nice. I'd love to have that, but I know it'd be too hard because I just can't please a guy sexually. I've heard of zoo-zoo couples, basically 2 animals, and 2 people, it's interesting, they the two humans give affection and support to each other, they seem like a typical couple, and they both love their respective animal partners, but I don't know about anything else, I honestly don't know. I don't know your wife, it could just be complicated, I did the same thing with a boyfriend of mine I had when I was a teen, but it wasn't a discussion, it was more like this is not working, I like animals more (and others factors), and it only lasted one week.
What I can say from what I understand is that there are 3 possible outcomes:
It's hard to predict to be honest. For a person more into zoo than humans that would be a solid 1, for a person that just wants to experiments it tends to get to 2, and for someone that's just into both zoo and non-zoo it tends to be 3.
Whatever you do however remember that getting a dog is a responsibility, I have the money and the means myself but I don't get it myself despite how hard I wish I had a strong protective fuzzball with me at night to help me with my insommia, and just how horny I get at times. Because it's a lifetime choice, and getting a dog only for sex is the wrong reason, it won't fix anything like that, you got to love them unconditionally, and care of them, whatever happens.
Also great advice!
Of course a woman, hell even a man fall in love with a dog. Go look at that recent top of r/pics post of the winking malamute, come on now!
Have an open mind, ignore the "eww yucky this is wierd" thoughts and bring a fucking dog into the bedroom already! You haven't had good sex utill you're dpi ng your girl with a dog knot in her ass. The tighter pussy, the con traction from both her and the swelling dog cock as well as the extra lubrication! It's a dog. If you love him half as well as your lady will, he will be your best bud.
Uh... Some people don't see it that way.
Yeah you're right. I was just trying to explain in detail in case it helped OP to at least give it a chance.