here's the dog was giving me a boner story. (self.zoophilia)
submitted 2017-08-10 05:32:23 by TommyTooter

what a day this has been, what a rare mood i'm in, why it's almost. . .like be-ing. . . in HELL!

AIYEEE! now i know i'm going nuts. i need to talk to a human. my folks aren't answering and this is a bad hour for calling my friends.

i just met one of the neighbor's new dog and she was a young uncut dobie who was almost a spitting image of lady. lady was a little stockier and her ears and snout were different, but she was dobie color and a lot of people mistook her for one.

so anyway i'm standing there talking to her and let her sniff me and mr. woody starts to think, 'this one looks like her love tunnel might be fun to do some drilling and wants me to let him get ready for work'.

i'm like, not a chance fella. sure, i masturbate my bitches, but that's for them, not for me. there may be some nerves down there, but unlike men, my dick is in my pants, not inside my skull and i'm not personally aroused by anything but hot chicks and most of them look like i wish i looked like or the stereotype petite brown eyed girl.

it's standard practice actually among that sort of working dog and their masters. lady was real strange and was always trying to get her best friends to give her noogies (whack her pee-pee). probably because she felt like she was working for all of us and not just me, which is the reasoning behind the practice. that bitch isn't going to let anybody come near somebody who gets her off trying to hurt them.

some of my friends would do it because it really isn't that demented to just rub the dog's mound in a room full of stoners tripping is way more for laughs than any sick sexuality.

lots of people would just do it with their foot. i saw guy once doing that as a busking act and raking it in.

it got really crazy when she was in heat and she'd stick it in somebody's face all swollen and wanting it really bad. i'd get laughing so hard it hurt when she'd do it to somebody besides me.

actuallynotazoophile ok, I lied 9 points on 2017-08-10 06:31:12

wat

TommyTooter 2 points on 2017-08-10 08:13:08

dogs are very expressive if you understand dog. when lady wanted her pussy rubbed, she made it real clear with her expression and the way she'd curl her tail sideways and stick it in your face. she'd totally light up if you asked her if she wanted noogies

SCP_2547 8 points on 2017-08-10 17:42:00

You are right about that, buddy. That's what makes bitches lovely.
Now, now go back deep inside. Deep inside your dark hole of darkness where you emerged from. Don't worry, sssh...

OnzaZ 3 points on 2017-08-10 07:09:17

wut?

duskwuff 5 points on 2017-08-10 08:05:20

wot

30-30 amator equae 0 points on 2017-08-10 09:03:35

Hello, obvious Cringeanarchy member with a fresh fake account. Now that you´ve had your few minutes of fun with us, but no one fell for your little story, let´s just call this over, right? And next time, come up with a better story if you want to troll us...

mttcisc crocodiles are beautiful 5 points on 2017-08-10 10:34:46

It's so chaotic, I don't know who is who, what's happening, and especially what is it about??? It really was a story? XD

AmoreBestia Pro-zoophile, non-zoophile. 2 points on 2017-08-10 16:15:03

I think it was somebody talking about a dog named lady that liked to be masturbated or something. Comprehension is severely inhibited by the... everything... in the post... I thought it was ESL at first, but I think op just doesn't know what grammar is now.

(no offense op)

actuallynotazoophile ok, I lied 1 point on 2017-08-10 20:45:48

I thinks its deliberately written to be that broken. Its pretty mind boggling to me. Like its written by a great writer who is penning themselves as someone slightly retarded.

I find this post hilarious.

thelongestusernameee banned from the aquarium touch tank 1 point on 2017-08-11 02:20:58

its actually fairly understandable if you try. i posted a translation somewhere here

30-30 amator equae 1 point on 2017-08-11 14:56:40

I understand a few foreign languages, but intoxicated gibberish isn´t among them...sorry...;)

thelongestusernameee banned from the aquarium touch tank 1 point on 2017-08-11 15:20:15

nonsense rambling is my second language

AmoreBestia Pro-zoophile, non-zoophile. 1 point on 2017-08-12 17:44:39

Part of mastering a language is understanding it when it's poorly used.

Lateoss Wuz gud 6 points on 2017-08-10 10:50:45

what in tarnation

caikgoch 2 points on 2017-08-10 10:53:05

Children playing with tech.

SCP_2547 2 points on 2017-08-10 13:27:50

*dog pussies?

caikgoch 1 point on 2017-08-10 13:48:54

Hey, you're the one that keeps bringing these wimps home. Can't you find one with even minimal skills?

SCP_2547 2 points on 2017-08-10 14:14:37

I have zero idea what you're saying...

caikgoch 1 point on 2017-08-10 14:37:26

Trolls. They follow you home. Then they do silly things like snivel for a while then delete and run. This one smells a lot like one that did that a few days ago.

SCP_2547 2 points on 2017-08-10 14:53:02

If you're expecting quality from anti-zoophiles, then you're looking for a 1 in 1000000.
I'm not bringing you any retards with ''minimal skills'' nor any intelligence. It's simply not worth the effort.
It'd cost also a lot of your intelligence too. The more you talk to them, the dumber you get.
I mean, logic is their weakness you know. They don't get repelled from intelligence, intelligence gets repelled from them. It gets them so mad that all they can do is insult and call their buddies.
But hey, humans will die out some day. I say enjoy the stupidity of such humans even if you're not satisfied with their lack of skill in trolling. You'll miss them some day and beg for them to come back when you crave for things like this.

SCP_2547 2 points on 2017-08-10 17:40:25

I actually like this post.


It doesn't contain any fucking, and I can relate to:

it got really crazy when she was in heat and she'd stick it in somebody's face all swollen and wanting it really bad.

Except the ''heat'' and ''somebody else'' part.
I know it's dumb, but this may not be a troll but a ''dog version'' of /u/Hedonist-glen / /u/maresoyfriend

btwIAMAzoophile Dogs are cute. 2 points on 2017-08-10 19:13:20

You're right, it seems fairly innocent but I still question the health of the person who wrote it given the language lol. Some people are just like that though. At least it's not loaded with a bunch of misogynistic crap.

G_Shepherd fluffy wuffy 3 points on 2017-08-10 17:46:14

1/10 wont read again, didn't understand a thing

thelongestusernameee banned from the aquarium touch tank 1 point on 2017-08-10 18:57:46

uh, 74?

thelongestusernameee banned from the aquarium touch tank 3 points on 2017-08-11 02:18:47

so i actually understand this pretty well now that i can sit down and focus.

here's a rough translation


i just met my neighbor's new dog,s   a young innocent dog who was almost a spitting image of my own dog. mine was a little stockier and her ears and snout were different, but she was dobie color and a lot of people mistook her for one.

so anyway i'm standing there talking to her and let her sniff me and she starts to turn me on a bit

But i decided otherwise. sure, i masturbate my bitches, but that's for them, not for me. sure i like it, but unlike most men, my dick is in my pants, not inside my skull and i'm only really into humans


it's actually standard practice (to masturbate bitches) among working dogs and their masters. lady was real strange and was always trying to get people to pleasure her. probably because she felt like everyone was her master, not just me.  she gets really defensive if anyone tries to step in during it.

some of my friends would do it because it really isn't that taboo to just rub the dog's vag in a room full of stoners tripping. under the guise of laughs, lots of people would just do it with their foot.

it got really crazy when she was in heat and she'd stick it in somebody's face all swollen and wanting it really bad. i'd laugh so hard it hurt when she'd do it to somebody besides me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in short, i dont think this is a troll. just a weird person.