I'm just going to type out from moment one so I don't leave anything out, so this might be a little bit of a long post. Okay.

The other day, someone posted in /r/casualiama about being into beastiality. I'm like "Well that's weird, I gotta check this out!" So I go into the thread and start reading. And as this woman is talking about getting it on with her dogs, I realize I'm kind of turned on by this. I thought it was just kind of a kink thing, so I didn't think much of it. But the subject kind of nags at me, and I start searching around a bit. First I hit wikipedia and do a little reading. This leads me to various other places, but I immediately click away. This was two days ago in the evening. I decide to just jerk off (I just load up some porn off my hard drive) and go to sleep. Next day, yesterday, I do into that thread again. I keep reading. Low and behold this is kind of turning me on again.

At this point I'm starting to get worried. With my erection, I decided to start looking into "healthy" porn, so I turn to an erotica site I normally go to. For the first time I realize they have a beastiality section. I browse through the stories until a find a male/female dog story, and I start reading. I'm finding this wildly sexy! I start jerking off picturing this good looking guy making love to his dog (I'm already bisexual, so there are no new feelings on that front). As soon as I come, I feel immediately guilty, close every tab, bleachbit that shit and swear never again.

So later that day in the evening, it's still nagging at me. I realized that even when I was younger browsing erotica on totse, I would always go into the zoophilia section and read about dogs. I thought I just grew out of it. I mean I have a healthy appreciation for dogs today, at least certain ones. I really want a lab or a golden. I've often thought of them as beautiful, but not sexually. I start browsing around more and end up at beastforum. From there I find petsex and gaybeast. I start browsing the male with animals tube and finally see some videos of men sleeping with their bitches. Oh god was I turned on. I start masturbating again and again, once I come, I felt immediately guilty. And this wasn't exactly had time to contemplate or anything, I mean the video was only about 45 seconds, and I came almost immediately.

I again closed all tabs, bleachbit, and swear never again. I was up laying in bed very late last night contemplating this. I haven't felt so awkward about something since I realized I was bi. But I don't know if this is the same thing. I don't know what this means. I feel completely lost. And what's worse, the more I think about it the more I want to act on it. Thankfully this is not something I have the opportunity to do. I don't own a dog, and I wouldn't want to sleep with a bitch who wasn't completely comfortable with me or consenting about it (I still don't know if they can consent). I feel completely lost and alone. I want these feelings to go away.