Also as a side note: This is my first ever post to Reddit though I've been lurking around as a guest for quite a while. Forgive me if I seem like a newb because believe me... I really am. Anyway, to the topic.
My fiance and I have been together for four and a half years and he's pretty open minded. I just don't think he's THAT open minded. I'm constantly ping-ponging between three options: Concealing my feelings for animals forever and always and never allowing it to rear its head again (which I have tried to do before and struggled with), continuing to live with this part of myself whether or not I can ever bring myself to accept it, or reluctantly and shamefully coming out of the zoophile closet to him and praying for the best reaction. I just seriously have no idea what to do.
But what adds even more confusion to the situation is how accepting and embracing of it I WOULD be if I weren't with him. I don't see anything wrong with zoophilia in any shape, form, or fashion so long as the animal is not hurt in any way, nor the human. I've read up on the topic and I'm aware that very otherwise normal people can be zoophiles, and, I just seem to be one of them too. I can accept and love other zoophiles in a heartbeat but I'm just struggling with accepting and loving myself. Not for problems within my own mind but because of the terror of what my fiance would think. It fits perfectly into my moral code but I don't know if it fits into his. I just don't know what to do Reddit, and this issue has been bothering me every fucking day since I discovered this part of myself 3 or so years ago. Please give advice, or share your own stories of confessing to your lovers and state their reactions, anything at all will help.
TL;DR: I could accept myself easily if it weren't for the terror of what my fiance would think. I don't know if I should tell him. Help.
hmm thats a tough one. Obviously you'll be the person who knows your SO the best and can most accurately gauge what their reaction will be. Are they normally pretty easy going? you'll have a lot more luck coming out to someone who supports the gays etc. as opposed to a hardcore christian.
We all know that denying your zoo feelings never works, and keeping your feelings bottled up is tough. I imagine its even harder when you have to keep them secret from someone you want to be wholly open with. Thats one of the benefits of being zoo exclusive, Im gonna be able to tell my parter all my secrets and they wont care one bit ;)
Its tough that youre engaged, this is where the non-exclusives are going to have to help you out a bit. I'd say you should break up with them and just get an animal mate but im guessing thats a bit black and white for your situation. If you get married without telling him beforehand, but it turns out to be a deal breaker for him then thats going to be a shitty situation all round. Being a zoo wont go away even if you get married. hypothetically, I dont think I could have keep that a secret from my SO for the rest of my life.
He's very VERY accepting. In fact I'm a biological female and so is he- he's transgender. So I know he's extremely open minded in the human aspect of things. I just don't know if he'd be as open minded in the animal aspect of things.
As far as breaking up with him, I've acknowledged that's an option, but I'm definitely not going that route. I love him to death and even if I was single I'd still want a human partner as my main interest and I could (unhappily) manage going the rest of my life without an animal partner if I have to.. however, having one animal and one human would be the most ideal situation for me. And I'm hoping he'll allow me, though it's not likely he'd enjoy me having an animal partner.
I agree, it's tough as hell to keep this concealed and I don't think I can go the rest of my life doing this. I mean, I've only gone three years even knowing about this part of myself, and I've been on the borderline of just straight up confessing to him many times. Even going as far as envisioning and premeditating the conversation, picking other zoophiles' words and explanations I'd want him to read, as well as writing out long letters I was going to give him that later ended up being destroyed instead. It's just tough and I really do want him to know but the fear of how he'd react is keeping me from telling him.
Ok, trying to put myself in your position, I'd be tempted to tell him. Sit him down and say youve got something youve been thinking about for a little while and tell him something like you see animals differently than normal people. theyre more than pets to you, theyre something that can love be loved the same way a human can love another human etc. I wouldnt bring up the sexyness of them as part of the opener. Its a lot easier to accept someone who loves animals platonically than sexually. Once youve told him that much you can either leave it there or push towards how you love them a bit more than most people and go on from there. I'll leave that up to you and your judgement on how the convo is going at that point.
I wouldnt make it into an arguement on whether or not you love animals more than them, just tell them its something you wanted to get off your chest and it in no way affects the current relationship. I would be careful saying you want both him and an animal mate though. I think thats pretty dangerous territory if they've not shown any interest in being polyamorous themselves.
Although I agree with the above, I would suggest doing whatever you can to see how he might react before the talk and proceed slowly unless evidence suggests it will be an easy conversation.
I agree it's unfair to you and your partner both to keep something like that a secret for possibly the rest of your life, especially if you plan to act on that interest.
From what I've seen, people usually connect with animals in a different way than humans, so the jealousy or hurt is not really there like it might be with multiple human partners. But everyone is unique... all the more reason to do some thinking before opening that door.
If I switch his and my roles, and make him the zoophile and me not, then jealousy definitely isn't there under the right circumstance. But jealousy with a third party human partner would be terribly rampant, so I understand what you mean by that last part.
As far as doing whatever I can to gauge his reaction, I'd have that option if he weren't suspicious already... he's seen some questionable things in my search history, two times. The first time I jumped on the first excuse that came into my head ("I'm not the only one that uses this computer, I didn't know that was there," etc), and the second time it popped up only for a split second and I was very panicked so I just pretended I didn't see it. As well as pretending I didn't know what he was talking about when he asked some questions. Stuff like forums and arguments against zoophilia being harmful, as well as some shameful NSFW other things....
So basically, I can't do that any more because he's already suspicious. And the two times it accidentally happened, I was too panicked to pay attention to how he was reacting, but from what I remember the first time was with repulsed interest and the second time it was just questions and questions all around. No real positive or negative. So if I tell him, there's no real way I can plan out a method of gauging his reaction, since he's already suspicious enough as it is, and I kind of want to either let that fade into the past if I decide to keep this bottled up or just confirm that the suspicion is correct if I decide to let it spill. I'd go the "oops something popped up" route if I could to see how he'd react before telling him, but unfortunately, oops something really did pop up. Twice.
Either way, thanks muchly for helping as much as you could. Even though you're zoo exclusive, your advice will come in aid when making a decision. I've scoured all over the internet for people to help me with this and I've never gotten as much help as this in one cluster. You guys are awesome.
He's shown mild interest in being polyamorous with other humans, which I strongly disapproved of because of my jealousy and insecurity... however I don't (or wouldn't) get nearly as jealous (if at all) if he wanted an animal partner, especially if that animal partner was both his and my companion, even if I wasn't interested in a relationship with the animal (just trying to put myself in his shoes). And if I do decide to tell him about this part of myself, I'm gonna want to tell him everything, so I'd have to go on about loving animals "a little bit more, and a little bit differently" than most people. And even if I did have an animal partner that he allowed me to have, he would still be my main love, and I'd want him to know that. I wouldn't ever want him to get jealous and I'd always express my preference for him whenever he'd want me to. It'd be similar to a married polyamorous person; they have their spouse that they love and adore and favorite, but they also have boyfriends or girlfriends that they love and admire. It'd be the ideal environment for me, though I doubt that'll happen. However, simply having him aware of this part of me would be hugely relieving compared to keeping it bottled up, so even if I tell him and he insists I never ever have an animal partner (or even goes as far to insist we never ever get a pet), I'd still be much more comfortable than just having him not know at all.
Anyway, thanks so much for the advice. I'll take what you suggested, as well as everyone else's suggestions and tips, into consideration whenever I eventually make my final decision.
Why do people say it's hard to keep their attraction to animals a secret?
Humans are social animals, wanting to be accepted and looking to others for approval is the norm not the exception.
I don't get what you're trying to say. Not keeping it a secret probably wouldn't make people you accept and approve of you. It would probably do the opposite.
And there is the conflict. Wanting acceptance or to not live a lie, therefore it being hard to keep it a secret, but needing to keep it a secret to avoid being judged harshly/unfairly, as most people would do.
That was precisely the point I was trying to make. Thanks for clearing it up on my behalf. :)
It's not really living a lie, it's just one little thing you're not letting people know about.
Your mind still seeks acceptance for your sexual identity... Whether it's wise or not. At least most people's minds do. I'm not saying it's smart or that it's wrong not to want this, but it is what it is.
Given the possibly severe consequences, and given the importance many humans place on sexual identity as a significant aspect of their sense of self, I think it's a little misrepresentative to call it "one little thing." It's more than that to me, but maybe that's part of why we differ.
i'm with incognito-cognition here...
"one little thing" ... not to me, it's not. it's such an integral part of who i am and worse yet (from the standpoint of having to keep it a secret) is how happy it makes me. those two key elements make it very difficult to not want to share it, especially with people i really care about (family and friends, and in OP's situation, an SO as well).
you're right.. "living a lie" is a bit excessive and melodramatic, but it is definitely keeping a secret that is difficult to want to keep despite how most of us here feel it's necessary to keep it.
Why is it so important to you and the other guy?
do you not like to share things that make you happy with other people?
I just don't mind keeping it a secret, and I don't get why people consider it such an important part of their identity.
shrug then we just differ. i guess it would be interesting to see what the ratio is of people who consider keeping their zoophilia secret a burden and those who don't.
as for not considering it such a large part of your identity .. i don't even know what to say. i can't imagine not feeling that way.
It doesn't tell me anything about the person. If someone told me "a guy named Dave thinks dogs are hot", I wouldn't be able to use that to infer anything about him. So, I don't see why people consider it significant.
It tells you what he thinks is hot, which in our society pretty much IS sexual identity, an important component of overall identity.
Why? It doesn't say anything about you and it isn't even something you choose. It's like putting importance into eye color. Are you seriously telling me that you'd think of someone differently just because of their sexuality?
Don't ask me why, ask the world. Fact is people like to know what you find hawt, for better or for worse.
Fuck the world.
You have to keep it in context. To the world, it is relevant, because they don't consider out of species sexuality a thing. Thus, knowing your sexuality answers a very important question to them:
Can I fuck you?
It's a primal, and basic thing they need to know in how far they can potentially take a relationship with you. No, it's not relevant to us zoos, but it is relevant to the other 95%+ of the global population.
And so, it's not fuck the world my friend. It's avoiding the world fucking you.
shrug again .. we just differ in that. it would be interesting to know how many people find that information significant. you're right in what you suggest below, "are you seriously telling me you'd think of someone differently just because of their sexuality?" -- that it shouldn't matter and of course can cause all sorts of social problems (it's why we hide, why homosexuals have had to hide, etc.). ... but it is what it is. we're sexual creatures and curious creatures, and the two things collide -- we're curious about how others are sexual and what and why (and who ... is that not the focus of so much gossip?).
cause it is hard. I hate having to lie to people but I have to for my own safety. it wears you down after a while, keeping a secret like this is a burden.
It's not that tough to keep it a secret for me, except for from my fiance. I want to be completely open and transparent with him, and I can keep small secrets from him without any issues if I desire but keeping large secrets like this one just riddles me with guilt and makes me feel like I'm lying to him. And entering a marriage with a secret of this magnitude is a bad idea, always.
Plus, I agree with what Rannoch2002 said. I have a desire to be accepted, especially from him. I could be hated by the rest of the world but if my fiance and myself accepts me, I'd be at peace. Sadly, my own mental peace isn't an option for as long as he doesn't know. Which is why I'm so desperately scavenging the internet for advice.
I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I have almost nothing in the way of advice, as I am zoo exclusive... I wish you the best of luck in finding that peace that you seek, however.
It's okay, just simply knowing that there are other people out there that accept me for the way I feel is very comforting. I wish you luck on your endeavors too, whatever they may be, and have a nice day
So here is a bit of advice ive seen before. Somehow get him to see a zoo video and judge his reaction. Make it look like someone sent you a link on fb in a message and open it when hes over your shoulder or something. Make it an account you made and can easily block/delete and such. If hes disgusted..... i wouldnt suggest telling him. If his reaction was mild distaste, maybe. Just remember, if hes completely disgusted when you tell him and he ends up breaking it off, he could literally ruin your life. If you dont have any animals right now thats better, dont get one right now.
I have three dogs and two cats and he and I don't live in the same house, so that's another dilemma I face. If I tell him, will he be suspicious of me around my animals? (I've never done anything with any of them, I wouldn't do that without his direct permission.) Will he potentially not trust me and suspect me of cheating on him with them and maybe even break up with me if he becomes convinced that I AM cheating? Plus he has a dog of his own at his house, will he trust me around his companion? Will he even allow me near her if he ever happens to allow me into his house again? I just simply don't know. The only thing I know for sure about is it's gonna be awkward as hell every single time I'm around an animal in his presence cause I'll know that thought will be going through his mind, whether or not it's going through mine. But that's a price I'm willing to pay if it means I simply get to get this off my back.
But as far as having a separate account send me something over facebook, I can't do that because things have already accidentally popped up before and I think he's suspicious as hell of me as it is. Like I explained in another reply, I would have used the two opportunities, though accidental, if I weren't so panicked when they happened. However, with what I can remember, his first reaction was disgusted interest (that "I'm grossed out but very curious" feel is what I think he got) and his second was just questions all around. I don't wanna have it happen a third time, whether on accident or on purpose, because I feel it'd pretty much confirm his suspicions without me even being able to be the one to finally tell him.
But thanks so much for the advice, like I said before any and all advice helps. I'll try to remember his facial expressions and his exact words when he saw what may have made him suspicious, and use that to help decide. Thank you for helping me out here.
It is tough. I've been married for 20 years to someone who completely accepts me but... Things flair up, it's human nature it seems to be insecure. So even if you are completely open to him things can still go wrong.
I would recommend not making a permanent commitment until you've talked about it. If you do decide to talk to him about it, put a human face on it. Yours preferable. People jump to the worst conclusions when the read things, their assumptions colour their thoughts.
Good luck.
I plan to either talk about it or to decide for absolute sure if I want to keep it secret for the rest of my life before I marry him. That way when I get married I'll have my plan set out and I'll know there's no turning back, on him OR my plan, and hopefully whatever plan I choose won't cause problems in the future. However, keeping it bottled up is just something I really really don't want to do. Simply having the comfort of him KNOWING at all would be hugely relieving in itself, so it's something I long for. And as far as him being jealous or insecure about me having or desiring an animal partner, I've acknowledged that possibility as well. He and I are both rather jealous over one another- admittedly, I'm more jealous than he is, but I wouldn't be jealous if he was in my position, so long as he didn't touch an animal sexually without my direct permission. I don't know how to explain it. It's kind of like, I'm jealous as hell over him being close to other humans because that other human may feel as if they're better than me for winning him over or something, but if he were with an animal, romantically, sexually, or both, I wouldn't be jealous so long as he still had me as his main lover because animals see no competition. They just love whoever loves them and it's as blissfully simple as that. Ah, if only human relationships could be that simple.
I don't know. I just really want him to know about this part of myself, whether or not he'd ever want me having an animal partner. I feel like I could go the rest of my life without an animal partner if he wanted me to, but I don't feel like I can go the rest of my life hiding such a huge part of my personality from him. Thanks so much for the advice and I will definitely take yours, and everyone else's, into consideration when making my final decision.
Hi, it's funny how often this question comes up, and more than once by women on this sub. You're definitely not alone.
I've told my story before several times. Here is a link to one of the posts I made about how I came out to my boyfriend/future husband, with a link inside to more about the story as well.
I think one huge question you have to ask yourself before confessing this kind of thing is why you want to confess. Do you just want them to know something about you, or are you hoping they will help you indulge in your parasexuality in your relationship? Because the hard truth of life is when we choose our life-partner, we are usually doing it with the awareness that we may have to give up on old parts of ourselves when we commit to this person.
Look at it this way. There are a lot of bisexuals who get married and go on to have loving, stable, monogamous relationships and raise families. This is only because they made a choice. Maybe it wasn't an easy choice, but it's doubtful that every bisexual ends up with a partner willing to allow them to maintain dual-sexuality in their relationship, whether they know about it or not.
So a big part of how you will come out about your big secret has to do with your mindset about what your future will be like with your partner. Ask yourself questions: Can you live with the fact that they may not be accepting of your unusual attraction? Is your partner important enough to you that you can settle for a life with them that may just include fantasy, either shared or alone?
For me the decision was easy, I knew my boyfriend was The One. I just knew that I didn't want to live in a world where I couldn't talk to him about anything and everything, so I put that feeling to the test and just told him without any beating around the bush. I didn't want to prolong it if it was going to be a deal breaker.
It turned out to be more emotional than I expected, but only because I had never told anyone, even on the internet. But after that had settled it made us a lot closer. Which is the best you can hope for.
My husband has no opinion on zoophilia. He's not interested in it himself so I don't push the fantasy on him, but the fact that he knows gives me the freedom to fantasize, read and write about it, and he doesn't find it appalling so he indulges me in the bedroom at times with certain kinds of play and activities, but that's personal and I don't think he wants me to write too much about him and his activities ;)
Also, the desire to communicate to him why I'm zoophilic and what it made me feel sparked in me the desire to write, to try to convey the feelings and sensations and sensuality of zoophilia, which has changed my life as it opened up writing to me as an art form. Also, he has gotten turned on reading my writing about it, which is something he finds "confusing" but hey, I take what I can get :P
In short, I advice you approach it like a fantasy you like, don't immediately push it as something you want to introduce into your relationship.
edit: forgot link, talked like a pirate.
Everyone's advice here has been EXTREMELY helpful and comforting, but out of all the advice I've gotten I think yours has helped me the most. My mind seemed to be so caught up in how he'd react and how I'd go about telling him, that I just seemed to completely forget to acknowledge WHY I even wanted to tell him in the first place. It's because I want to trust him. I want to be completely transparent with him and I want to know every little thing about him and his desires, and I want him to know the same about me. I said this in another reply, but even if he doesn't allow me to have an animal partner, it'd be hugely relieving and comforting to just have him know. It's part way kind of like a trust exercise- I'm telling him something that he could quite literally ruin my life, future, and reputation with if he so desired, but at the same time, if he still accepts me after learning about this, it'd be extremely liberating just to have someone I love so much know me so well. Plus to not feel like I have to lie to him any more.
So I suppose I'm a lot like you when it comes to this... I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend about anything and everything, and when it's all done and over with I'm hoping that, even if he doesn't allow me to indulge in my fantasies, it'll at least bring us much closer and allow me to feel comfortable around him. I want to know, trust, and love each other completely. And I can't really do that at all if I go the rest of my life without telling him this.
As far as the writing goes, I'm an artist myself and I love all forms of art. :) However, I'm mostly a digital artist, though I adopt some traditional art now and again (mostly just whenever my digital tools are unavailable) and rarely I'll pick up a sewing needle, some fabric, and some stuffing and try to make something. It never works, but at least I try. And with writing, sometimes I'll write out my fantasies (of all types, not just sexual) and hide them deep in a special folder on my computer only for me to see. I don't exactly consider myself a writer, or consider the writing I produce "art" in any way as it's highly disorganized and mundane, but it's still something I enjoy doing in my free time.
The route you're suggesting is actually the route I was mostly leaning toward going with. If I decide to tell him, I'm mostly going to just introduce it as a fantasy I have and hope for the best reaction. I won't explicitly ask him to allow me to indulge in my fantasies, or ask him to allow me to have an animal partner as well, but if he offers such a thing... I can't exactly say I wouldn't jump on the opportunity in a heartbeat.
I'm so glad I was able to help give some inspiration and ideas for broaching this really, really difficult thing with your BF. I hope it goes well because to be able to share things like this makes it easier to share almost anything else later. It's hard to do at first, but it gets easier. The more we face our insecurities with someone else, the better we become at dealing with stressful issues that may be hard to talk about normally. Maybe that's why I'm the "blurt it out" type. I don't like to linger in pain. When I was little and I got a scraped knee, I was always the one grabbing the alcohol bottle to pour it on the wound myself because I hated the anticipation worse than the actual pain.
I mean I would still howl in pain and cry, which must have been confusing to my parents that I would be in such a hurry to do that to myself, but it was never about lessening the pain, it was about hurrying through it so it can be over sooner. Not always the best tactic for relationships either though, it can make me seem callous at times.
But this is why talking is so important. I know it's hard when you're anxious, and if letter writing makes it easier, then use that tool, but if you two are planning a future together, start learning how to talk. It might be easier to talk in bed at night with the lights out, this makes it less intimidating especially if you're like me and you over analyze your partner's facial expressions.
Take the lead, he may be even more insecure than you about his own secrets. We all are. So if you show that he can reveal anything and be loved and rewarded for honesty, it will go a long way and open up a new way to talk.
Best luck to you both! I hope you check back with us sometime and let us know how it went.
I was wondering!! I was thinking "Well where is the link this person was talking about" and then I clicked on my inbox and saw the link and I was like "Well it wasn't there before!!"
Anywhom, I read your story about how you confessed to your husband and I actually find it very sweet and cute that you two are comfortable enough that he can tease you about it. The little part about how he'll rib you if he catches you looking at an attractive dog, it made me smile to imagine a couple so close that they can be so carefree and joking about a topic such as that. I hope my relationship with my boyfriend forms into something that close in the future. As of now, all I can do is hope.
And that game you mentioned, where you'll confess secrets to one another and have a competition to see who can confess the more embarrassing secrets, that seems like a wonderful idea. My boyfriend and I are very very close as it is but I feel like if we were to share a game like that it'd bring us even closer. I'm stealing your idea. :) Heck, I might even play a few rounds of that game for a while before I tell him my biggest secret so far. Just to bring us closer and set the comfort grounds before bringing something like that out onto the table. It's a wonderful idea. But even if I ever do tell him about my unusual love for animals, I definitely wouldn't ever be able to tell him in the way that you did. Just blurting it out? Nuh-uh. I'm glad and proud that it worked for you but I can't verbally talk about my deep feelings, especially when I'm first introducing them and wanna get all that I wanna say out before the questions begin rolling in. I don't know why. Writing something down and presenting it in the form of a letter is always better for me, because if it's something that troubles me like this, I can't say it aloud without stuttering and crying and closing up, so really writing down a long ass, many-page letter is my only option. I've been getting better at verbally discussing my emotions, but not good enough to even come close to verbally coming out of the zoophile closet. I'm proud you were able to do it though, and I'm happy your husband accepts you. I hope my boyfriend turns out the same.
Trust will do that. I believe you can confess the most shocking, unusual things in the world to someone and if they trust you and you trust them, you can both be this easy-going about just about anything together.
He knows I'm not going to go sneak into the neighbor's yard while he's not around because their dog can give me something he can't. (Also because the neighbors have lil' funny wiener dogs) We talked in explicit detail about what all this means, and I didn't try to minimize or soften or sugar coat anything. I was blunt but I was also reassuring to what kind of life I really wanted with him going forward, that I wasn't trying to push him into something he wasn't comfortable with, that he was my future and what I was telling him was a part of me, but it was my past. I mean it was a lot of talking, to the point that it wasn't uncomfortable to talk about anymore at all. And it didn't just go one way, he revealed things to me that put my vision of what kind of person he was to the test a little also, but I gave him that same level understanding and respect and trust. Instead of two people with secrets... we became a couple with secrets. It was hard at times, but so worth it.
He does appear to be very secretive and timid about his own insecurities and they're some things I really wish he'd open up to me about. It's funny that I say that, seeing the situation I'm finding myself in. Which is why I'm hoping that, even if he is a little unsettled by my feelings toward animals, at the very least it'll bust open the gate to let him know, "hey... you really, REALLY can tell me anything at all. Anything." So hopefully it'll set that table for what we really can trust one another with.
And as far as learning how to talk, I'm working on it. I'm actually getting better at it. If someone can just hush and not interrupt until I'm done, then it's a lot easier. Probably what makes me prefer letters. And after I'm done saying the first big chunk of whatever I wanna say, I can usually talk pretty okay about whatever it is after that, even if it's something as serious as what I'm trying to confess to him right now. I guess I just don't like being interrupted when I haven't got all my information out first, especially when that information may be frightening to even get out in the first place. The "save the questions and comments till the end" thing.
What you did sounds like what I'd do once the secret is finally spilled. I would want to talk and talk and talk until it was completely understood, I wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable at all, I wouldn't make him associate with it if he didn't do it out of his own free will, I'd want him to know I'd never ever ever betray him in any way, whether emotionally or physically, whether with a creature with two legs or with four... so on and so forth. But I'd always want him to feel secure and trust me, just as I trust him. I just want him to know and even if it never turns into anything more than him knowing, even if he doesn't really accept me, just knowing that he knows this part of me would be relieving and comforting. Though there's always the possibility that it'll be a deal breaker, or that he'll try to accept me but issues will arise, such as me having three dogs and two cats and him not trusting me around them and such... sigh I guess the most I can do before I tell him is prepare (which I'm trying to do now, thank you all so much, again) and hope for the best.
PS: I played a round of the game you used to play, where we tell secrets and try to outdo one another. I learned a couple things about him but nothing too deep or shocking yet. Hopefully the things he tell me, and the things I tell him, will get deeper over time :) Thanks again for all the tips and information, they're tremendously helpful and comforting
Well, better be prepared for the worst if he leaves you, because it CAN happen. And depending on where you live be cautious when speaking about something that is illegal because with zoosexuality (well more so the act of bestiality) being illegal in a lot of places it could only cause very serious consequences and concerns. It can bring out the worst in people and may have him end up being more rash on you then you might think and he could end up telling other people just to get you in trouble or monitored.
And continuously talking about zoophilia with someone who perhaps disagrees with it would be pushing it and that will indeed make someone feel even more uncomfortable and it would make it look like you are trying to force someone to agree with something they don't. If you tell him and he's like "No, I don't want to talk about that." Then just let it be, don't try to force someone to agree with it. And if he starts acting "funny" around you, I would make that a queue and leave him if you're really serious about it.
It sucks but imo I wouldn't tell him, just for your own safety.
That might be a good approach, make it more about him instead of what you need to say. "Look I'll prove we can share anything, let me tell you something..." etc.
I'm only worried that with your letter you might be making too big of a production about something that may or may not effect your lives together... I mean, I'm not one to talk, I tried to spill it casually and broke down and went totally in the opposite direction, but everyone responds differently and I couldn't say without knowing your guy. But sometimes it's more like an "official decree" to put it in writing. You may make him feel that you're really forcing him into a deal of sorts that he doesn't understand.
Just keep playing the sharing game and see where it takes you, let your "big one" gradually become "just another one" because I don't believe for a moment that the two of you don't have more secrets buried in there ;) Everyone does.
WTF! People without any actual experience, but a steady human relationship calling themselves zoo; other people also do it despite the fact that they prefer a human companion...what´s wrong with you folks? This subreddit is dedicated to ZOOPHILIA, not your relationship crap, little "confession games" you play in your quite normal relationships ("our dirty little secret")...gosh, people, exactly this stuff is what you call a kink, fetish or temporary phase.
Just see this whole wall of text through the eyes of an exclusive zoophile lving in a longtime relationship WITH AN ANIMAL. What do you think it feels like? Pleasant? Not at all...personally, I feel mocked and ridiculed by your little human problems...wow, confessing something you never did...that´s sooo zoo...not. Wow, telling people that "I found the One" and "will never go back to dogs"...very consistent, much zoo...usually, true zoos also find "the One", but he/she walks on all fours...
Do you realize that you turn zoophilia into a giant joke this way? Something fueling attention whoreism, something to feel "special" about? And, /u/DyrZvire, your partner already declined "polyamoury", what do you think your partner will feel like when you confess your "zoophilia"....with three dogs in the house, three potential opportunities to cheat on your partner? As I read, he´s transgender...don´t you think he already has more than enough burdens to deal with? Is it sooo undeniably necessary to put another big weight onto his shoulders? Especially when it still is nothing more than fantasy, no actual experience?
You´re trying to "normalize" zoophilia, folks. Let me just quote South Park´s Mr Garrison, from the Metrosexuality episode. Mr Garrison walks into the town´s bar, sees all the "gayclad", metro people. He tries to hook up with Randy and Mr Tweek, but gets the "access denied" replies. Garrison then gets irate and yells " You? Like us? We spent our whole lives to be NOT like you. You´re ruining everything! Why do you do that to us?"
This is exactly how I feel about this entire thread.... I know, I´m not helpful. So, downvote me if you like, I don´t care. But reading this builds up anger in me... "We zoos dedicated our whole lives NOT to be like you! Why do you do that to us?"
It´s one of these special moments...when you can´t tell the difference between tolerance and indifference anymore. When normal people (ab-)use "zoophilia" to strenghten their human relationships...
Zoophile: someone who prefers a relationship with an animal over human relationships...a nice definition I stumbled across. But go on, keep "normalizing" and thus marginalizing us with your fantasies, kinks, fetishes and temporary phases you mistake as zoophilia. Go on, kill zoophilia. But if you do, do it swiftly, without any further hesitation. Stop pinching zoophilia to death with needles, just blow a hole into its head and bury it once and for all.
Sorry for ranting, but I can´t stand this pile of crap anymore...
then don't read it.
You never seem to contribute
I got to agree with 30-30 on some of his points and his anger about the subject as he has all right to be. I understand things are tough and I don't like to be the one to judge but for me personally I wouldn't have even dating someone and engage in a relationship unless they know and accept the fact that I'm a zoosexual/zoophile.
I hear about these relationship issues from zoos all the time and it makes me sigh heavily. I don't agree with keeping something like that a secret from someone who you want to get into a relationship with. I can understand keeping it out of public ears, but not telling your 'soon to be partner' that part of you before considering a relationship, in my opinion, is a bit naive and just setting yourself up for a possible divorce and ridicule. Much harsher then getting dumped by a boyfriend/girlfriend or being rejected as someone's gf/bf.
Doesn't matter whether or not they 'seem' like a nice and accepting person or how long you two have been together, they could still end up not caring about you and leaving you because of that.
I think getting into a relationship with someone who you haven't told to get any sort of confirmation on whether he/she accepts you being a zoo will just hurt more in the longrun. It would've been best to have asked him about it before even considering forming a relationship.
I just made an account to say that because it was really bugging me while lurking on this subreddit for a few days. I said what I needed to. Good luck out there.
she said she didn't even realize she was zoo 'til after she was already in the relationship. so she couldn't tell him before entering the relationship. besides how damning it can be to tell someone you don't know if you can trust something so socially taboo. what's to stop them from freaking out and telling lots of people?
i don't understand the lack of compassion here...
I agree keeping secrets from important people in one's life is bad form (your point), but I don't agree zoophile-ness requires rejecting human relationships - the sub is /r/zoophilia, not /r/zoo_exclusives.
Many have said it's good to keep such sexuality a secret from most people, and many have said it's bad to keep major things from your serious partner. This implies telling them at some point between these two extremes, but when? Generally the transition is smooth, not flipping a switch. The more they know about you, the less it will dominate their opinion of you... but waiting too long will cause more hurt. And telling them soon OR later may result in them turning on you.
tl;dr, I think the question is relevant to the sub, even if the person asking it may be in a different situation than some people here.
Then leave? lol This is a board written by humans for humans. Too bad for you, huh? By the way, I thought you were going to go make your own zoophile community so everyone who's not a "real" zoophile can not be invited. You're still coming across as hyper sensitive and intolerant. You seem crazy about this honestly. How is that image helping anyone?
So what is someone with OP's issue going to do anyway? If she wants support or advice, where does she turn? Or by your opinion it doesn't matter because she's not a "real" zoophile because she doesn't run naked with the wolves in the forest all her life? People with your crazy need to over-define and compartmentalize everything are what turns zoophilia into a joke.
Then you really should stop reading and posting. You're not expressing or representing the majority here so who are you actually advocating for? How are these issues oppressing you? You're the attention seeker that feels they're such a special flower that these discussions are in some way oppressing you and your people.
Plenty of other groups that support sexualities that fall outside the realm of normal will welcome people who are curious or have experimented or want to talk about their feelings. Why should zoophilia be a closed-off community that only appeals to people who pass some kind of purity test? You seem to have a greater intolerance for the spectrum and nuance of humanity than non-zoophiles have for zoophiles.
You contributed nothing here and have made casual browsers feel that zoophilia is this tragic syndrome that makes people behave and feel unkind and bitter about human issues, and that they cannot talk about their feelings unless it's something that falls completely within some arbitrary spectrum. Again, highly intolerant. You don't want to see zoophilia "killed" you want to have it all to yourself with nobody else allowed in to explore and talk about it. Which also kills it, because it turns it into a secret club that nobody is invited to unless they pass your test.
I'm sure there are more closed-off communities that would have your interests in mind. Unfortunately this is reddit, and this is the first experience many people have with the very idea of zoophilia and are learning what it means, what their own feelings mean, and may not pass your purity test, so that's what you're going to see here. It sounds like it's not community for you. I suggest you find a more supportive community for your interpretations and views for your own sake.
Wow, I never imagined I would see a post by a zoo that made me feel this way. I'm so sad for you, I'm sad you can't see past yourself and your own experiences that you have to respond to issues like this with such cynicism and venom.
You have no idea what any of us are going through, what we've gone through, and what lives we lead. You're the one who has no right to bring this tone into a conversation like this, you have no idea what it's like. If you did, you wouldn't say these hurtful, ignorant and intolerant things.
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Zoophilia is an attraction to animals, it says nothing about whom your currently with, or your notches on the bedpost. I'm going to use a term and use it approrpriately for once:
Quit being "Zooier than thou"
Perfect in this case.
Thanks. I do try to learn from mistakes. ;)
I wish everyone on the sub took a moment to reevaluate their words.