NOTE: This is not a coming out story.
What I did was I made up a narrative kinda of like what happened to /r/carlhprogramming except with a zoophilia instead of pedophilia, they've never even heard of reddit so I doubt they would have recognized it, then I asked them their opinions on it
My dad said he disagreed because of the legality but went on to say how smart he knows animals are and was more concerned for the person's loss of privacy because I said the animals were found with no signs of abuse
my mom was completely disgusted and said almost all the cliche lines "it's animal abuse" "they can't consent" "it's unnatural" then she made me promise that I would never do anything like that even though she thinks I'm asexual and don't care for sex I promised that I would hurt any of our pets, then whenever I tried to say "I think studies should be done into research into comunicating to animals" she literally went through the whole thing again.
what have your experience been explaining to people you know?
My experiences have been... bad. With my parents, anyways. Don't have the energy to go through it right now. And I might warn you it sounds like you shouldn't bring this up again, your mom already sounds suspicious.
I read what happened to you when I first found this sub a week ago and I saw the update so...
I've come out to a lot of people, relatively speaking. They're responses have been, for the most part, surprise and shock, followed by support of one kind or another. For example, a few years ago, I was badly depressed and almost suicidal, and felt I would owe my friends an explanation, so I told them I was attracted to dogs. Awkward silence, followed by a promise to make fun of me later.
Two friends, in particular, are of interest here. One of them occasionally makes fun of me for it, but I make fun of his weight problem, and our circle of friends loves ragging on each other, so its all good.
The other, a gay man who moved to New York and had experience with coming out, gave me the advice that things would be hard in that life, and that it's important to find one's tribe as he did.
Well, my dad's not in my life really so that leaves only my mother as a parent.
One time, she was curious why I felt so seperated and hated humanity.
First she was like "Are you gay?"
Obviously I said no and asked her why, there's nothing wrong with any sexuality! Only pedophillic acts are bad.
And she added to my sentence: AND with animals!
momentofsilence.
I asked her "You think so?"
Her response was "Ofcourse! I don't have to tell you why, right? Animals don't understand it!" And well, it went on like that for a few minutes, I couldn't shut my ass because I didn't want my mother be a brainless follower.
She was crazy at this point, making me promise I don't have sex with my girl.
Not only that, she tried making connections and shit.
"You kiss with her." "You aren't even a little disgusted of her." "I've seen you touch her." "You talk dirty to her."
And worst of all, it ended with "I will get rid of her if I find out that you have sex with her."
She knows very well that my girl is the most important thing in my life.
This is where it kind of ended, she brought it up again only once.
Other than that, she sometimes says "But she's not your real girlfriend."
She's not convinced that I'm a zoophile/dogfucker, but the red flags are definitely there.
It's sad how my own mother can disrespect me like that.
This reason alone already makes me a misanthrope.
I know that pain too well. My college education (a pretty advanced study in advanced security/cryptography) was terminated abruptly because in my parents words "I wasn't worth sending to college anymore."
Gee, thanks guys. :/
It's sad that we have to shut up to be happy and safe, while others don't have to.
But still, it bothers me that the worst stories come from you.
It doesn't do much, but I still wish you luck...
I know, unfortunately we don't get to chose our birth parents, heh.
It's bad stories from me to be sure, but I'm to blame for part of it as I should've seen it coming. You can avoid a lot of this by proper thinking and handling. My parents were raised by very rightwing christian grandparents, and though they ARE significantly more liberal, that should've been a huge red flag for me.
I still love them. I see them as products of their upbringing and their time. I can't fault them for following their parents, and I can't help but forgive them for their mistakes, no matter how bad. If Jesus really said to "turn the other cheek" that was probably one of his better lessons.
They're ignorant. And you're definitely worth college based on your merit. That should have nothing to do with it.
I've told plenty, relatively speaking, as Kynophile says, and again their reaction has been for the large part surprise or indifference followed by support or indifference. Two of my best friends know and they have treated me no differently.
My mother, however, is a different matter entirely. I mentioned a few months ago how I tried to tell her at one point but realised she wasn't going to come around, so I used an accidental loophole in the conversation and claim I was just very confused, which she accepted. I haven't brought it up since and I don't plan to, mostly because Dad died in March this year, and Grandma a few months later, so I don't want to put even more weight on her shoulders.
Yeah, I don't know if it's a generational gap or what, but I have yet to hear one good story of coming out to one's folks on this reddit. And out of all the stories I've heard, I've only heard one where coming out to their parents went even remotely well, and the father in question was on his deathbed, so it kinda make it different.
I know a zoo who has come out to his parents, and they are very supportive and accepting about it, apparently.
Actaully, you saying that jogged my memory of another fairly public zoo who had it aparently go well, Actaeon.
I just haven't seen a good enough ratio to reccomend it by any means.
Is Actaeon or his posts/site still around anywhere? I've heard a lot about him but have only been able to find his page on a non-zoo related site, unfortunately.
He's not really active like he used to be, but he's around. Keeping his head down perhaps.
I have also had a friend whose parents were very accepting of his sexuality. I actually met his parents and I'm pretty sure they knew I was zoo too, but it was all really casual. They were very nice and intellectual.
I came out to my mother, and though things were rocky for a short time, now I would describe things as positive.
My parents don't know. I tried talking about the topic, like when it's up in the media (not something I just randomly brings up at the dinner table) But my mom gets disgusted by it and don't think it's normal, so the conversation ends pretty quickly. I do suspect that my parents think im gay. I'm not sure if I ever will tell them. I hope to be able to do it one day, but so far it doesn't look good :/
My best friend and his gf who knows that I'm zoo, also jokes about it, but not in a bad way. They try to make funny remarks and talk with me about it. He was the first I came out to, and at first he was like "wow" and then some awkward silence. But after that he have always been supporting me.
I have told a few of my other friends and they are kinda mixed but mostly neutral, they don't really say anything about it or ever mention it.
But I have also trusted the wrong people. So one ended up telling everyone in my class, which resulted in people don't wanna talk or sit next to me, tried to kick me out of groups, since they wouldn't work with me. Let's just say my social life in university isn't that great...
The stress of my family finding out drove me to sever depressing and a suicide attempt early this year. I didn't tell them I was a Zoo but I was outed after stuff was found. I haven't seen my family since that day, I had to make a throwaway account on Facebook to see how they were.
When I came out as a zoo to my mom, she was relieved, because she worried that "my secret" was an unplanned pregnancy or something. Well, that's one way to look at it. So she was supportive at first.
But when I brought it up another time, when I was sad about bestiality being banned and people talking about zoophiles as if we are all animal abusers, and I just wanted to be comforted really... she said something like "well, animals can't talk, so, I can understand people not liking it". I asked her, if I got a dog, would she report me to the police? She said no. And after that, we haven't talked about it.
I've never lived with my father, so I've never discussed the subject with him. I don't talk with him much, I don't even like him.
My parents knew and supported me, though from what people are posting this seems to be the exception rather then the norm.
I tried a neutral discussion with my aunt by pretending I was talking about other people and she was pretty disgusted. She's generally the most open minded family member I have and came out to her first as bisexual. If she won't accept zoophilia, I highly doubt my parents will.
I'll never tell my family. Not one member will ever know. Not even my best friend... The only one who knows is my friend and partner. Thats it.. I dont know how I would live if my family knew.. :(
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Noting that you said "people you know" and not parents.... people I've ever brought the topic up with make their abject and unwarranted disgust at the topic known far enough in advance that I've never had a chance to actually get to the real questions with most people I know.
I know there are people out there who are surrounded by openminded friends or family, and great to hear that's the case for some, but I've never experienced anything like that.
To be honest, in a weird way hearing about people with such good luck makes me feel even more alienated and hopeless, but I'm glad those stories are shared, maybe society is changing a bit and the next generation won't have it quite so bad.
One night when I was driving my mother home from something (I forget what) we had a very similar discussion, we agreed that the consent could be possible but legally problematic, then she said if her son was doing something like that she'd just rather not know because she would never look at the animal involved the same way. At this time I had been living on my "farm" for about a year and had my mare for about 8 months, the message was very clearly received. To this day I think she knows what I do and who I am, but actually saying it makes it too real.
I came out to my ex. It went as well as it could. I told him I like watching bestiality porn, and he was uneasy about. I didn't tell him my past experiences with animals though. I didn't want to push him further. He said I should stop communicating with other people like me, I think he feared for me.
One other person knows, he thinks it's interesting and asks a lot of questions. I feel he's safe to talk to.
No one in my family knows. They would be mortified.